Well that went poorly. Every time your W offered some info to you, you just argued about how wrong she was. You didn't validate her at all, and in fact most of what you said was pretty disrespectful towards her feelings. Yet you kept talking like you want to reconcile, I just don't understand where you are. Do you want to reconcile or not? I think maybe you don't know yourself.
This was a very telling comment:
"W: I get your trying to change and I am hearing that you have. I just haven't seen it."
If she's seen no changes in you, then how do you expect to attract her back? DB'ing without 180's is just wishful thinking. Instead, you kept telling her that IF she came back, THEN you'd change. If you want her back you have to show her your changes FIRST. 25’s mantra: consistent actions + time = change your S can believe in. You haven't given her anything to believe in.
And this:
"W:That is because we are both fighting for different things. We are on opposit teams"
Your W perceives this as a fight with the two of you on opposite teams. This is counter to DB'ing. DB'ing is all about stopping the fighting and instead letting her know you are on her side and that you fully support her in her decisions regardless of whether you agree or disagree with them. You can't fight her and "win" her back by defeating her. It just doesn't work that way.
SP, you started out with some pretty good DB'ing. But you've really backslid in a big way. If you want D then so be it, but if you want to reconcile you've got to really step back and take a hard look at what you're doing and what we're telling you and get back to DB'ing basics.
