Working on saving my marriage, again

[Lonely Room]

"If you're not happy with yourself, you're not happy with the world around you", that has been my motto since I hit the bottom 2 years ago. I rebuilt myself around that principle.

How did I let it go? How did I let myself get to this state? As I mentioned before, it's as if I was in a "trance", as if it was another person inside my mind. My ideas are now completely different, how is this possible from one day to the other? I guess it's the power of fear, the power of the simple idea of being separated from the two persons that I love most in this world. My wife and my son.

I know it's not my fault only. But I should have known better, I should have known what I suffered in the past and what is a stake now. But still, I let myself get sad, angry and bitter.

I can't take time back. Every time I see a reference to a date when things were better, I just wish I could transport myself there. But I can't.

I just hope it's not too late. I just hope my wife will kiss me again, will hug me and we'll truly laugh together. I just wish I could take my son to school until he can do it himself. I just which I can be there when my son says his first word. When he walks. When he knows who I am.