W: Have you given more thought to the divorce agreement? I think it is best if we come to an agreement as soon as possible so I can make arrangements to leave the property. I just want us both to move on and learn from all the mistakes. I have had numerous people talk to me and tell me how unfair it is that I am living under your nose. It isn't a fair situation to either of us. If you could please take a look at the agreement and send me back your thoughts then we can get the papers signed. I am sorry (Husband). I know you and no one else agrees or understands where I am coming from but I am doing what I need to do.
ME:you have to do what is best for you, (wife). i understand that. but, i also know that we should have really tried with our marriage. i truly love you with all of my heart, and i was willing to do anything to make you happy, the changes i needed to do, to keep or family together. someday you will realize this. i know you loved me too. that isn't going to he easy to find again....its unfortunate that it has to be lost forever. i will work on the divorce papers for you as soon as i can. tell (daughter) i love her, please.
w:I will I hope that one day we can be friends. I am sorry.
ME: we were...well actually we still are husband and wife....you were my very best friend (wife)....i hope we can be civil, but i will not be able to be your friend when you are in the arms of another man. i am so sorry i can't give that to you. i have always tried to give you everything i can, but that is something i just won't be able to do.
ME: I hope you can actually find what you are looking for. I want you to be happy because I love you. I love (daughter). I don't want any of this. I just wanted us all to be happy....I am sorry you can't see it.
W:Do you know people have been saying I am walking all over you? I want to be civil and friends. I just cant take hearing how horrible I am anymore. I dont feel like I have done anything out of line or wrong. I am sorry that we grew apart and I fell out of love.
ME: I don't know who is saying you are horrible, but this has nothing to do with them.
W: Its the impression people are getting and I assume its coming from what you are saying to others. I know your hurting but you and I both screwed up and ruined our marriage
M: love comes and goes....its not constant. long term love takes work and commitment. We never gave our marriage that. IF WE DID, things would turn around dramatically. That is not me being philosophical, that's a fact. During the course of most marriage, one person or both, at one time or another fall out of love....it comes back around.
ME: our marriage is in a really bad place....but (wife) its only done if we allow it to be done. It just needs some work. I am willing to do that work.... will do ALLLL of the work until you are ready to do yours. We can work through this. It happens to the best of them
W: I get your trying to change and I am hearing that you have. I just haven't seen it. I am sorry. I am sure at some point I will have regrets but I am not going to change my mind. I have been set on that since the day I told you we were 100% done.
ME: i know you have been thinking about this....and i know you feel it would be easier to just find a new life.....but it wont be as rewarding....it wont be as good. I know this. You know it too deep down inside. You are just scared that it wont work.
W: rewarding? I am sorry other then having (daugther) and my (business) life, which would never be the same anyways. I dont feel that what we had was rewarding.
ME:well....i cant change your mind. All I can do is hope that you will have a change of heart. I am guessing you feel that life will be better without me. Please, for (daughter) and I, spend some time thinking about how life could be better with me.
ME:what we had is gone....GONE GONE.....we both dont want that. What I am talking about is what we could have...and your (business) life could be exactly the way it was in a matter of no time. Everyone would take us back as a couple in a heartbeat. That is what everyone wants in the first place!
W:The image your building in your mind of how things could be isnt reality (husband). I have spent 6 months thinking.
ME:the reality is there (wife)...you just wont accept it....i wish you would. I dearly wish you would
W:Trust me I know. Us as a couple is the only way people will accept me. That has been made very clear
ME:that is just another unfortunate thing about divorce....there are some people that will not accept me any longer either....its horrible....sooooo much of it is going to be horrible. We havent even scratched the surface yet
W:I guess we both wish we could have changed each other. I wanted you to treat me like you loved and cared for me while we were together and you want me to try now that we are apart. Maybe we just we not meant to be.
W:I know you dont accept my choice but for once in our marriage please respect my wishes to move on. I am sorry (husband) but that is what I want. I havent waivered on that at all.
ME: i feel you have commited yourself to a path. I honestly feel that even if you wanted to, your ego wouldnt allow you to come back. That makes me sad. It makes me sad that I miss taylor like crazy when she is with you. it makes me sad that you miss her as well. I miss you like I cannot even express. This whole thing has been such a wake up call for me. I just feelt that if we could get passed our egos and you would allow me to show you.....I wouldnt let you be unhappy for another day. I realize Now (maybe too late) that the most important thing in my life is YOUR life and (daughter). I get it. I really get it, (wife)
ME:I understand.....and I will support your wish to move on. I love you, and I will do whatever I can to show you....even if that is letting go.
W:It makes me sad that you finally see my worth now. I really want you to find happiness (husband). I hope that you will show the next person in your life how much they mean to you.
ME:I will. I have learned my lifes hardest lesson and I won't make the same mistakes twice
W:You are a great guy. You and I just lost our way and built up too many walls.
W:Unfortunately these 6 months have made those walls even thicker. I have so much anger and resentment.
ME:I know you do....you have expressed that to me....alot of it is because we are doing the damage and trying to build bigger stronger walls instead of tearing down the ones we needed to
ME:One thing I believe...your anger will go away. Mine did...eventually you wont remember why were resntful towards each other. That stuff will be ancient history...sort of like how you and (old friend) are now....time heals that stuff
W:That is because we are both fighting for different things. We are on opposit teams
ME:we shouldnt be tho....i mean why do you want to be on another team? Marriage is our team
W:Trust me (old friend) and I will never be the same. I like spending time with her but I wont put myself in the position of trusting her or anyone else that hasnt proven to be true to me. I am sick of liars
ME:i feel you're angry...i feel you're resentful....but honestly....other than that, why dont you think we should work on our marriage?....those things are behind us....we could move forward....you even say you want to move forward....why wouldnt we wish to move forward together?
W:I dont want to be married
ME:so you are going to be single forever?
W:Give me a minute to get (daughter) set up then I will explain further
ME:okay
W:I dont want to be married and feel the sadness, loneliness and feelings of never being good enough or doing right ever again. I know you say that you dont want that either and that if we got back together things would be different but I dont believe or have faith that that is the truth. I am sorry I just dont and I am not willing to just see.
W:If that means being single or not married for the rest of my life I am okay with that.
ME:i understand that totally...and you have every right to feel that way. I mean my actions haven't shown you in the past to feel otherwise
ME:i dont know what else i can do tho.....i mean i want to SHOW you....but you wont let me. All I can do is tell you, but you cant beleive me.....seems pretty scary to throw it all away because we are locked out of trying, doesn't it?
W:I have already thrown it all away. I am okay with my choice.
ME:I see...and i understand
W:I am past wanting you to show or prove that you love me.
ME: not even for (daughter) or our family and friends?
W:No
ME:or actually let me ask you this....are you lonely now?
ME: honestly....you wanted to be happy...thats what you said when you left. Are you happy right now?
W:Less then I was when I was home and married. I am sad that I lost friends and I miss (daughter)
W:I am happy most of the time until people tell me their opinions then I get sad
ME: (wife)....you are alone now....but you feel less alone?
W:I am working on being a better me.
ME:i am happy most of the time now too....until i think about you or taylor or somebody brings it up
W:I have friends that I surround myself with that dont judge me
ME:how are you working on bettering yourself?
W:Working out, eating healthy, building my Insurance and MK business doing things to make myself feel good about me
ME:all of those things are great. I feel that is exactly what you needed to do with your life. You needed to build YOURSELF up. Your happiness is only going to come from yourself
ME:do you ever think that the time you spent doing daycare really brought you down?.....and this is why I ask....
ME: not that we didnt have issues....god knows we did.....but it sometimes feels to me that you got no pleasure and no reward out of watching the kids. It was a thankless job.......
W:Well lying isnt being a good real friend and talking behind my back isnt either. I am sick of people getting involved in something that isnt their business
ME:and then when it came to an end, you really wanted that job with alaska, but that didnt pan out.....i feel you were at an alltime low. Then right after that, you had it with me and now we are done....less than a year later
W:I loved the kids but having people not give me credit for what I did eventually took its toll. I agree with that
ME:lying isnt good...i agree....and people shouldnt get invloved in things that arent any of their business...but they do.
W:We were done a long time ago (husband).
ME:I see....well I appreciate you explaining it to me more. It helps
W:You keep looking for excuses to why and I feel I have given you plenty
ME:I agree...you have given me lots and lots of valid reasons why you feel the way you do.
W:But you dont ever really listen. You continue to search for answers. What do you want me to say
ME:im not searching for answers....just some insight
ME:i dont want you to say anything. I am not looking for a magic bullet
ME:i was just talking with you and sharing feelings....thats all
ME:i'll let you get going so you can spend time with (daughter)......and i will work on the divorce papers if that is the direction you feel we should go
W:You also need to remember you gave me the out 3 times before I decided to leave. It wasnt all me. You weren't happy either. If you think you were you are lying to yourself
ME:i wasnt happy....well not in the last while.
ME:im not happy now either
ME: this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...that [censored]
W:You spent all your time on the computer. You barely spoke to me you didnt want to spend time unless others were around and I forced you to.
ME:i wish i would have realized my own issues in the marriage sooner...maybe we could have saved it
W:Now your out with friends your doing stuff with (daughter) our getting projects done
ME: absolutely right....i did do all of those things....out of ignornace and stubborness
ME:i know....like i said this has been a wakeup call for me....i know i wasnt being the man i should be....i dont want to be that guy in the closet anymore. i wont be
W:We both seem to be better on our own
ME:i disagree with that... i would say "we both seem better"......being on our own has nothing to do with it
ME: the work you have done on yourself shouldnt change, regardless if you are with me or not...or someone else. That is if you really make your changes stick
W:When I would go away with the girls you were the same way. You would step up and do things.
ME:okay (wife)....im going to let you go. I am meeting some friends for a beer. I will follow through with your request as soon as I am able. Its difficult for me
W:I know what I am doing now is for me and (daughter). It will stick because I like me regardless of people saying I am unraveling at the seems. Those people should spend more time actually with me instead of assuming
ME:they should
W:Okay thank you.Enjoy your friends and your night
ME:i would like to spend more time with you, but it seems my time is up
W:Maybe in the future we can work on a friendship.
ME:i would really like that....but like i said...I can't be friends with you if you are in the arms of another man. It is just who I am. I am sorry
ME:if we werent husand and wife for many years...if we didnt have a child together. we could be great friends. I want to be best friends with you now. You don't want that and I can't offer it any other way.....it just [censored]
ME:enjoy your time with (daughter)....have a good night, (wife)
