Ok, well I found this site by accident…sort of…it was a link to a link from a fitness site. Anyway I‘ve been floored by the things I am reading. I could have written half of it (although not as well).
My first thoughts are…Wow I’m not alone…there are other guys out there with the same problems…and to my surprise women also! I’m actually really glad to learn that, I had become rather negative on the female gender lately. Learning that it’s not just us guys makes me feel better in a weird way, it’s somehow less “perverted”. Could there actually be a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel?
After reading you’re insights, troubles and stories I feel emboldened to share my story and, more importantly (or is it selfishly), ask for your thoughtful and intelligent insight.
My story sounds like many of yours. Since it would require a few hundred pages to give everyone the “whole story” I think I’ll summarize via bullets. Kind of cold and impersonal but practical.
-Were virgins when we got married. -She has always had bad self image -The second night of our honeymoon I was not “up” to the situation. She took this badly. -The next time we had sex was 9 months later. -Then another 9 months and we fell into the routine of 3 times (maybe) per year for several years -W found my stash of adult materials (which was keeping me sane), not a good thing. -I grew cold and distant (and frustrated) -W withdrew from me. -W demanded answers -I answered, she didn’t like the answer. -She had babies (twins) went into depression and went on RX (which only magnify the problem) - FYI – after kids she went to bed for - She had major medical issues and the next 2 years were spent with our attention directed at beating that (which we did) -It took us nearly 10 years to see a C -We’ve worked with MD to get different RX with less side effects, some moderate success -C gave us activities but neither of us seemed willing to actually do them, I still haven’t figured this out. -C ended and we talked about going back but haven’t -I bought the books C recommended, W read the first chapter and hasn’t pick it up since -We’ve traded letters and notes (the best way for us to talk about this) for the last ~2-3 years since C. It usually starts when my frustration level hits a max. I get moody, she complains, I tell her what’s wrong, we talk. Nothing changes long term. -She has started wearing some more appealing (to me and that’s why she wears it) attire -She’s willing but not eager, it’s the last thing on her mind -If I complain she’ll, in the next few days, make sure my needs are met. -She says she enjoys it… -We’ve had the same discussion numerous times and I’ve reached the point where I do not see the point in spinning my wheels so I don’t bring it up anymore. - I have little confidence left to initiate since I get turned down 9-10 times. - She is my best friend and even if we never were intimate again we’d stay married.
The question of the day, how do I rekindle this issue without it turning into the same discussion about the same issue resulting in the same worthless outcome? I plan on ordering the SSM book but I’m worried about it finding the same fate as the other books I’ve bought.
Got to go, be back online late tonight. Sorry so long. Thanks
