darth vader and i

[BFloat]

bug, i really can't believe the time frame. it feels like a lifetime ago and yet it also feels like it was just yesterday. i'm sad to hear about the difficult time you've been having.. sometimes it feels that we can't catch a breath before something else happens.. and then suddenly one day you stop and think.. i actually feel happy.

it's been an odd couple of days. H and i have not engaged in our normal conversations in a long time. the kinds of conversations where we're laughing at something funny.. or talking about some movie.. but on monday we actually had one of those moments. it started out with me asking him how to get songs off my ipod (it's been driving me nuts!) so he figured it out for me. then he wanted me to watch a movie trailer because he knew i would be excited about it..

anyway.. we had joked about moving etc. what life would look like.. i mentioned in passing that i would love to learn to do ocean kayaking.. so H said.. i guess we're moving in a joking way. but as he was leaving, he said to me "i would support your decision to move. there's really nothing left for me here anymore, except maybe my dad". i thought it was an odd comment. because i wonder about OP? can't imagine she would be too pleased with him moving to follow his ex even if it were for the kids.

i honestly didn't expect to hear from H again until probably fri when he's watching the kids. that's sort of been his MO lately. he goes silent. but this mornng, bright and early.. he txts me "have a good day". it was so random. he use to send me these types of txts when we would chat all night but, we haven't for a long time so i was really surprised.

i'm basically just documenting. i don't want t put too much thought into it because i don't want to start wondering what it all means.

i have an appt with a new IC tomorrow through work. i get 5 sessions and then i guess i'll see if i want to continue. i'm hesitant because last time it was clear that i was trying to work on my M. i'm sort of nervous to see what will be revealed now.

i think i'm rambling. i think about all these things.. read all the threads throughout the day.. i always have the intention of posting later in the evening but next thing you know.. it's late and i just want to go to bed. like now.. it's 0130. sigh.