Almost two years and still stuck in limbo

[newman7977]

Mr2.4, you don't have to worry about me. Whatever helps in our sitch works for me. Chime in anytime and others.

Newman

[AnotherStander]

"....like I had died from the inside"

This very line is still thrown at me to this date. "Something inside me died and how do you get something dead to live again?" W is talking about her feelings for me and therefore she believes she can never have those feelings back because they're dead.

Of course she thinks that. MWD talks about this in DR, she says if you had told your W the day she got married that the day would come that she would not want anything to do with you then she would have called you crazy. She would have been 100% POSITIVE that it would never, ever happen. Yet here you are. So now she's 100% positive she's done. But could she still change her mind? Of course, she's already done it once before.

How do you give hope to someone that tell you this?

The hope is yours, not hers. She doesn't have hope and she doesn't want hope. She's done. Your hope is that she will change her mind, and that hope is yours for as long as you care to hold onto it.

Perhaps the actions that you've changed? But isn't it true that if you're in a fog the changes are a little too late for a WAW?

That's why we say to give the WAS time and space. They've got to emerge from the fog themselves, you can't speed the process. In the meantime you change for yourself, and hopefully she notices the changes and learns to appreciate them.

[newman7977]

Thanks AS.

Well Sandi our hope just got crushed. She's back in her ways...communicating OM. I don't have a solid proof so I can't confront her all she's gonna do is deny it.

I really have to think about this perhaps time to end the M when D18 leaves for college. Well I really have no choice but to wait for end of school for my kids' sake.

Really really trying hard not to say anything at this point.

That's my next step remove myself from this and move on with my life.

Newman

[sandi2]

I'm so sorry, Newman.

[newman7977]

Sandi, ughhhhh I couldn't take it...my kids were alone in the house while she talks to OM on the streets. That's where I draw the line. I confronted her right now. First she denied denied denied but then I called her lies and she admitted it.

We had a long talk. She's crying for help I feel like directing her to he boards here and maybe sandi you can talk to her. I told her to hold off talking to him until we're D! When were done she can have all the time with him but she can't have both. She plead why can't we just live separately...I said no. I don't want to get hurt. We need to separate and file for D. I'm done. No more of this I'm ready to move on with my life without her.

She said she doesn't wanna lose her family. She said how can we make it work? I said I don't know but first step is she needs to stop getting her needs from OM. I understand that it won't happen overnight. She promise she won't talk to him he's only friend I said no he's your cheating friend! I told her don't do it for me do it for yourself! Respect yourself OM is married and I told her that when I talked to OM, he didnt even fight for her.

I told her our M don't stand a chance against the fantasy. I'm rambling I'm still steaming!

She said she filled out the d forms but couldn't do it. She promise she won't talk to him anymore. I told her I don't trust her...he trust need to rebuild...and I told her I'm not even sure if I wanna stay with her.

Sorry if I'm all over the place but need to vent.

[newman7977]

I'm so tempted to call OM right now but what will it do? Maybe tomorrow if the kids are not around. I don't know he's lucky he's thousand miles away...I can't I can't go to jail...I have very evil thoughts right now...I gotta control myself for my kids. I'll be ok just letting steam out.

[jp787]

Keep venting here! Don't contact him or talk with your W right now, you pure emotions and you will regret it.
Keep posting, go run, go yell at the world, breathe.
Hang in there the intensity will go away.

[newman7977]

Thanks JP...watching tv now by myself...I know I need to cool down. It sound really bad reading but the talk I had with W was calm no screaming or anything like that. Also all these things I'm writing are the feelings boiling inside. Glad for this boards really helps.

Thank you for talking to me man. Maybe I'll go for a drive or something.

[cbtdad]

Newman,
Get it out here. Vent away. But like JP said do not contact OM or talk to your W right now. Your emotions are controlling you right now. I'm there way too often so I know how you feel. OM normally lives 500 miles away, but for the past week he has only been 60 miles away and I've wanted so bad to go up there and have a word with him. But then I remember that he is not the problem in my sitch just a symptom

[newman7977]

Hey CB thanks man. Yeah trying to watch tv to get my mind off it. I can't if I call him now my kids will hear my wife will probably feel sorry for him. Cr@p I can't go down like that. I don't want my kids to freak out. You're right gotta control myself I already said what I had to say to his face so what's the point.

Thanks for keeping me in check. Hey man sorry you find yourself here too. I don't know ur sitch but I'm sure you're in pain too. One of these days I'll return the favor.