Sorry cbtdad, was it your quote? Whoever owns the quote, it is very powerful and worth thinking about. I suppose for my sitch, my original plan all along has always been I will continue to support her, even through the crap that comes with S and D. She is my wife/lover/friend and will always be.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
It was something that was told to me by another guy. So I guess it his quote. Lol This guy has been great. If you read through some of my old posts you will see a few things from him. I call him "the wise man" Hahaha He and his wife help run the Retouvaille programs here were i live. They are also one of the presenting couples. His W also had an OM after they were separated much like my sitch. Like he said, he pushed her into his arms. He reminds me all the time that the OM is just symptom of the problem. OM is not the problem. One of he things i also try to remember is he tells me constantly. "You are becoming the best man and father you can be for you, a by product of that may be a chance to save your marriage, but it isn't the objective"
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I'm having dinner with the wise man tonight. I will reoort back with good information later on tonight.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I try to not get to ugly or anything when I text W at moment, but it is so hard not to do. I am so angry and I want to just go off on her. Once again I want to, but I won't because it won't accomplish anything. She did text me this morning to let me know her mom would not bring son up there today or tomorrow. I already knew this as about 30 moms before that I saw her mom and asked if W had asked her to bring son up there. MIL said, "she asked but I said no. She made it clear he doesn't want me to go to horse show, but expects me to bring her son up there. I don't think so. She's not going to use me like that" was happy to hear MIL say that. As bad as I want son to see his mom, I think it is just enabling her. Anyways here is text exchange with W, tell me where I messe up:
W: talked to my mom, she said no
Me: K. [censored] for son, but I don't blame her
W: well come up with an idea. WC?
Me: My only idea is for you to come see him when you're done today and go back in the morning. I really don't know what else to do. I'm very upset about all of this right now W
Me: It's your responsibility to come see him. Not others responsibility for others to bring him to you. I was very supportive of you getting ready for this local show. But I guess a local show makes no difference
No response to lasts texts. That was an hour ago. Anyways, I know I shouldn't have responded with some of the things I said, I'm just trying to do my best not to completely lose it on her
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Do not go there! I swear it might feel good for a moment, but you know that's not want you want long term. That is he exact same reason I think about bringing this stuff up to my W. if I confront her about it and lay it all out there on the table and then get angry an get all that anger out I will feel good for a small moment. Like a release of everything built up. I think I would feel relief for a little bit now that I know it's all over. But in the end I want us to have a real chance at forever. And that will never happen if I do what I jut mention
This is good advice! Did I ever thank you?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Maybe I am Mach. I really am trying to not blow up. So many people have said this is the hardest thing you will ever go through. I certainly believe them now. I think your spot on when you say I'm trying to make my point in a nicer way. I'm just so frustrated
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Thank you JP! I need to just keep reminding myself of that. I know the right thing to do and yet I keep wanting to do the opposite! What the hell is wrong with me?!?!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
