You know FY, I was thinking about my post and I wanted to add something.

It is almost 6 years since BD. My xh lives 5 hours away. I do not even know him anymore.

I am not the same person I was back then, thank goodness. I have come a long way.

When I see him, he is like someone I used to know once. Weird to think after being together 30 years but there it is.

Sometimes I look at him and I cant remember what it was like living with him. And then he will say something condescending and it all comes back.

But as I said, I would give a 30 year relationship respect by listening.

In all honesty, I've worked too hard to become who I am, and he has done some horrendous things and continues to, to see me ever be back with him.

I have forgiven him and he knows that. I wish him only happiness on his life's journey.

It is a sad thing that this happened. I wouldnt wish it on anybody. My life is forever changed as is my son's.

I dont think I will ever recover financially.

As for my xh, he is a shell of a man. He doesnt fully realize the depth of what he's done. And quite honestly, I am not sure he ever really will.

It doesnt matter to me if he does or doesnt. Quite frankly, if he did, it would bring him to his knees.

So, this is not what I thought my life was going to be like.

But, I am going to live it.