I'm glad that your son and H at least have a decent R. It is sad that it is not what it should be.
It seems like your H is remorseful for the A, but not about the financial stuff. Should we just chalk that up to his jello brain? Is he really that clueless?
The "shell people" are truly sad, lost, pathetic individuals.
Hope you are having a good day
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hiya, Snodderly, always happy to see you visit my thread.
You were always so helpful to me and I appreciate your kind words.
JP, thank you so much. I am glad if I have helped in any way. You are very special.
TVS, I feel such a connection to you and now I just read that you love to organize, too. I love it, also.
My xh was always able to compartmentalize everything. And so, he is able to somehow separate some of his actions from others. I really do believe that he doesnt get it. Scary.
WH, you have no idea how much of my contact with him is like a comedy.
I have a question for you. Is there any way you would ever get back together with your XH... you know, if he were to come out of the fog, or is that a "never going to happen no matter what" scenario? I am very curious.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I always said that out of respect for a 30 relationship and as he is the father of my only child, I would listen if he ever were to want to talk about it.
But I have to tell you, there was so much damage done, and is still being done financially, that it would take an awful lot of work.
And I dont think he's up for it.
This all allowed me to see my marriage in a very different light. And there were many things in it that were not good. Dont get me wrong, I loved him very much and accepted him for who he was.
I owned all of my stuff and then some. He was a very controlling, negative person with very high standards. He could never be wrong and never apologized before the bomb. And as a result, I became very small.
I could never be in a relationship like that again. I have not seen him do any of the work on himself that he needs to do.
If I had to venture a guess, based on some stuff he's said casually, he realizes what he's lost on some level.
Because I value your insight and I'm taking notes!
Ours is also a 30+ year relationship, but that's pretty much where the similarity ends. For me, (and her until Mom passed) it was overwhelmingly good. Pretty much the only damage here is her rejecting me as her lover at bomb drop. Even so, I find this very disrespectful and will not put up with it forever. I've been going through one of my semi-regular "making this reality known to her" phases the past few days, but won't say anything because she is leaving for vacation on Sunday.
But, and I've said this many times before, eventually it seems it will come to this.
I know I'll be fine on my own... I don't need a best friend W (who looks hot) that I can't touch. On the other hand I have no interest in other women, and the issues they would surely come with. So, if we split, I would be open to reconnect, I think... but only if she chased me.
Thanks UR.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Hey FY, thanks for saying you value my insight. Means a lot.
Only you know when you've had enough. Your issue is a very big issue, in my mind.
As far as other women, I dont think you are anywhere near ready to be thinking about that. As far as them having issues, well, so does your wife - you are just more familiar with hers. .
The thing of it is, if it comes to that, I can understand you being open for reconnection, absoloutely. Keeping the door slightly cracked is healthy, but, I'd hate to see you hainging on forever waiting and not moving forward with your life.
And one day that might very well include wanting to meet someone.
But as I said, you will know when you are ready.
Life should be savored, FY. And I for one hope that if my future includes a relationship, I will relish every part of it.
As far as other women, I dont think you are anywhere near ready to be thinking about that.
Right. I said I'm NOT interested in other women. If W doesn't come around and see that our 34 years together were good, and can be even better, then I'd rather be by myself.
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As far as them having issues, well, so does your wife - you are just more familiar with hers. .
What can I say, you got me there!
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The thing of it is, if it comes to that, I can understand you being open for reconnection, absoloutely. Keeping the door slightly cracked is healthy, but, I'd hate to see you hainging on forever waiting and not moving forward with your life.
I am moving forward. I'm doing everything that I want to do. We all should. Moving forward doesn't mean we have to dump them, or start a new R.
We are told over and over that MLC takes years to work through. I consider it admirable to stand by our spouse during this period if we can do it.
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And one day that might very well include wanting to meet someone.
But as I said, you will know when you are ready.
I don't even want to think about that.
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Life should be savored, FY. And I for one hope that if my future includes a relationship, I will relish every part of it.
Agreed, and I'm sure you will.
You said it has been almost 6 years since your BD. How long did you stand, and were you the one to initiate D?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
