I'm right here with you, girlfriend. Every step of the way. Consider me your parallel partner in crime.
Here's how I view this (and I hope you realize I'm supporting your decision):
An ultimatum is only manipulation if you want the other person to give you something that they don't want to give you. However, if you are telling them something that might be misconstrued as manipulation but you really want, it is not.
I'm at exactly this point in my own life, Opt. I'm not willing to sit out here in limbo much longer. He's either in or he's out... there will be no middle ground for me.
So, the question is: Are you really and truly at peace with your decision?
If not 100% sure, I would recommend holding out a little while longer until you know for sure what has to be done to put yourself in a better spot. Me? I'm heading back to MC on Thursday. I'm planning on asking him to call Mr. W. and ask him to go alone to the next one, and setting another one for the both of us.
If Mr. Wonderful really wants to be dealt out of this hand, I will gladly initiate the D filing. My D10 has told me a few times over the past month, "Mom, would you PLEASE just get rid of him so we know what we're doing? I'm so sick of hoping he'll come home. If he's not, I just want to think about something else."
Amen, sister.
Big hugs....
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
That was great Betsey - how does one come to that realization! Time to just make a decision. I've heard that once you finally "move on" is when they finally decide to come back. Something about fates aligning! Isn't that just a kick in the pants!
Have a good night opt. and hang in there if you want! Decisions are hard - you've been hanging in a long time. Thinking of you, Totally
I believe that there are a few others here, feel like you do! limbo land is not fun!
But, even after court, I still don't want a D, why I don't know and I need to figure this out. Plan on showing H that I can move on without him, even if I don't want to!
Quote: "Mom, would you PLEASE just get rid of him so we know what we're doing? I'm so sick of hoping he'll come home. If he's not, I just want to think about something else."
Bets, this is so cute. My D doesn't feel this way! She said she is willing to do without to drag this out. She thinks he is being pressured to get the D and thinks deep down he really doesn't want one. Out of the mouths of our children!
My CS is done in June and $388 less a month is going to be a kick in the butt for me! So here is to dragging my feet!
Hang in there opt. and thanks for the chat last week!
Thank you my friends for your good thoughts and support.
I have not written these days because I cannot think what to add. Last Wednesday, H came home really late and was totally distraught. Stricken. He reminded me of myself when the bomb dropped. I really felt sorry for him, he was so lost. Could not eat, did not sleep... sound familiar?
He took me up on the offer to stay till Easter was over and he was there all the time, very careful to tell me where he was and include me in any planning of his days.
On Sunday night, my D was happily playing with "Bunny Rabbit," the little stuffed toy that one of our neighbors gave her (this neighbor dressed in a bunny outfit and hopped around our street playing Easter Bunny for all the kids), and laughing and playing with her Daddy... I just did not have the heart to tell her that Daddy was leaving, this time for good.
I guess I am a wimp. I let him stay. But I could not care less what he does or does not. Yes, Betsey, I had also recognized we are in the same boat now. Except that your daughters seem to be more accepting of a divorce than mine. Of course she just turned 5 and understands very little of what is going on. Myself, I totally feel like your daughter does.
So he has been working in my garden (which he never used to do before the bomb, either with me or with the wh*re), calling me several times a day, coming home early and spending lots of time... and he even finally called his CPA, got the numbers and is having his CPA do the taxes at my request... He told me we could have whoever I wanted do them.
But my heart is no longer in it. And I wonder whether his is.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well, Opt, nobody is going to call you a wimp for your position. Least of all, me.
I have written a letter to Mr. W., which I have just posted on my Friends thread. I plan on giving it to him Thursday morning....
D10 is not wanting the D, Opt. But she no longer wants the agonizing limbo of devoting all her energy to hoping and praying for something that might never happen.
Peace for you is my wish, friend.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
