Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

T2, It's amazing how much this journey has changed me as a person. I don't think I had much patience before this. I know that H feels I've changed a lot, but probably doesn't realize to what extent. He likely feels he is getting away with a lot, when the reality is I'm just not calling him on it.

TVS, I get what you mean about reading your posts and thinking, I could have said that. The honestly here is really refreshing. I feel it's so important too, to be honest about our feelings, even when we know that we need to do better and that what we are feeling isn't how we should be. I think it's helpful to realize that we all make mistakes and we're all imperfect. The biggest thing I've realized is I don't need to be married, in a relationship, or with H to be happy. All those things were the center of my life, and I counted on them to always be consistent and relied on them too much for my own happiness. Never again. It can add to it, but the center of my happiness has to come from me.

I was shocked too about the baby present. I think my first words were, "Really? from OW3? Wow." I guess that's better than OW4 posting on FB how miserable she, likely in response to all the pics of H with the baby, me and family. I think that was a better present for me actually.

I've been a little annoyed that neither he or his work didn't do anything for us, when he went all out for one of his employees a few weeks ago when she had a baby. Kind of made me feel sad that he didn't do anything for me or the baby, no flowers or even a hug. Just a reminder of where this is I guess. Our anniversary is coming up soon. I doubt he'll even acknowledge it, like Valentines Day. No expectations, but sad all the same.

rH - Yes it was really weird, but then he seems to count them all as "friends," and they think I don't know any better. She gave him other gifts for himself too. I think it's ridiculous how these women all buy him stuff for his birthday, christmas, just for being in town.

The boys are all adjusting really well to H being gone again. That is good. I think they just don't count on him for anything, but are happy when he is around.

My H said a lot of button pushing things after BD, which I wonder if he can even remember them now. I'm not going to bring them up ever. He can't remember things from a few weeks ago, so not expecting he will remember those. And if he did remember them, I think he would feel awful. He already has plenty that he can remember to feel awful about. I think it is interesting that both of our H's are going to hold true to some of these reasons for leaving. That makes sense. I feel that way too. If we can make it through this, we will make it through anything. I think if we can make it through this, the bond that would be formed would be nearly impossible to break.

GG, that is something that is consistent everyday, with any interaction. This is not the man I married. This is not the man of two years ago even. That guy would be appalled by this story.

That is so awesome with your D! I can't wait to be done with diapers. S2 started to potty train himself before baby came and I was so not ready for that. He is off and on, but I let him take the lead.