Insights from WAS vs. MLC

[Live4myDay]

Ok since I didn't get a response I thought I'd make it easy for everyone. It's been a little over 2 years and I still love him.

True love marriage we eloped secretly married in small church and went camping for honeymoon. Struggled with his business left my secure job to raise kids 11 months apart. Eventually worked for his business for 8 years. Struggled with economy and he decided to hire his sister in my place. I took it very hard. I eventually found part time work. Meanwhile he has PA with my best friend. I forgive, tell no one. I'm thinking things are ok. I'm not feeling very secure with my life. Decide to make my own changes within myself and be my own source of happiness with or without him. I feel he is very stressed out all time from business and money. Don't spend a lot of alone time. Daughter plays softball year round and he helps her practice. We are always gone on weekends with travel ball. During my daughter's senior year in school my XH gets crazy great corporate job offer, except in another city 1-1/2 hours away. He takes it and commutes. Home on weekends then stays at my sisters house and goes back forth. Tries to get me to come up, but I'm focused on my little bit of freedom now. I have EA since I've gotten very little attention from XH. (Not an excuse) XH mother dies from Alzheimer's we bury her on Saturday then on Monday my daughter is in horrific car accident. Life or death scenario but eventually is left paralyzed from chest down. During her rehab 6 months in hospital we have a marriage melt down. Makes adjustments to a house he rents for daughter and us to move to. I tell him we need to wait to make final move until son graduates in 4 months and allow daughter time to adjust. He wants out to start new life. Loose the house we built and car. Everything in storage and my kids and I move in with my parents. He picks daughter up in weekends. Doesn't talk to me is very mean and abrupt. Totally detaches. He wants nothing to do with me. I do all the wrong things. Beg, plead say nasty things to each other, it was hell. He files divorce and I suspect someone else. Lawyer claims there is. I'm horrified. He told me he just can't take living with me anymore. Get the I don't love you bomb dropped after daughter comes home from hospital. Upon moving stuff out of house I find inappropriate card hidden in his sock drawer from woman he works with at new job. Turns my world upside down. He denies. Finally 3 months after divorce is final, he exposes he has a girlfriend. I accuse and blame and fall victim. He acts so mature and full of himself saying how immature I am and this is why he left. Argh! I tell him midlife crisis. He says I'm crazy and defends himself rewriting history of how awful our marriage really was. I can not convince him otherwise. 3 days after divorce I take our then 19 year old daughter on trip to Florida to spinal cord recovery center that he doesn't agree with. We go 2 weeks and return to stay at parents. This goes on for 4 months and we eventually move to Florida. I have an amazing life here now. Except - I'm still in love with him. I realize it is MLC. He's been with OW since filing for divorce. She lives in Minnesota and they see each other long distance relationship. Very convenient. He travels back n forth there for work and stays with her. He's destroyed our families. He has only seen daughter twice a year. They talk and more than likely text. Son in college in same city as XH, but doesn't see much because XH travels a lot for work. Kids were very bothered at first, but now they tolerate. They were going through their own issues at the time. They want nothing to do with OW and don't ask and he doesn't tell. I've done everything wrong as far as DB/DR. We rarely communicate and when we have I've blamed and been victim. I tell him I love and care for him etc. I'm proud of his career. He makes 6 figure income now and enjoys the success with OW. So unfair. We struggled for so long and now he's rewarded with OW. She is only 3 years younger. Don't know much about her except that she has no kids. Freedom! I remain caretaker of daughter 24/7. I'm doing great with her! Wouldn't be anywhere else. Recently had to endure 4 days in Santa Domingo for daughters stem cell treatment with XH and FIL. He knows how I feel about what and how he ended things and how devestated I was through all this. I played off as wonderful XW while there! Academy award for me! He returns home and tells everyone how our relationship has healed. Yeah right! We had no conversation between us. I'm still very bitter and hurt. Read book realize changes I have to make. Doing 180 and setting goals. I don't know if he'll ever come around. He says marriage has been over and It's been two years I need to move on. Thinks I'm being pathetic. Never talks about or asks about me to our children. Told me I should date. I told him "I do" that's it. He said good. He's happy for me. I think his knowing this makes what he did ok or relieves him of some guilt.

Dilemma:
XH is planning a weekend visit to see daughter and bring our son too! Yeah I'm so looking forward. But how do I handle this. Last time he visited I refused to see him or allow him into my home. I would love nothing more than the 4 of us to be together as a family again. I want him to miss that! Yet part of me says to refuse his friendship after all he's with OW and wants nothing to do with me and our relationship. Doesn't want to lead me on. I've tried dating a few guys and I'm just not ready. Seen therapist and on anti-depressants. Kids just want me to move on and be happy again. They see my hurt and pain. I'm so much better now with new life in Florida, but can't see myself loving anyone else and am still very much attracted to him. Or even that he can love someone else. I really feel that we should be together. My family is very hurt and disappointed in him to decide all this while daughter is recovering from such life changing event. He has not been there for her emotionally and physically for that matter. It takes a lot of work to get her to therapies and recovery. They think I'm crazy that I still have feelings for him. I don't trash talk him but give more understanding towards him.

What do you think? Any thoughts or advise on how to stay in his life so he can notice changes in me? How do I handle this? I used to send him pictures and videos of daughter at recovery efforts but he never acknowledged them so I just quit. His family, dad and 4 sisters, don't communicate with me and cut me off. They just want us to both be "happy" everyone deserves happiness. His dad was married over 50 years. No divorce in my family. His one sister is divorced and her and her XH are now best of friends. I think my XH thinks we should be that way too.

Please help me out here. Is there even a chance? I'm so torn between hope and moving on. I've decided to move forward and live my life. I have a new life in Florida and friends and functions. I've even dated. Not slept with anyone since him. Then a part of my ego says he's been f-ing another woman and spends 9 days of christmas with her when he hasn't even seen his kids. Says he dreads coming to visit in Florida because of me. I don't know what signs I should be looking for. I've 180 my approach and any communications with him. I'm very nice and not expecting anything from him. Just appear informative regarding our daughter. What else does anyone suggest? I do see us together again. This has been so unlike his character. He's been a standup guy; community and church. He's become someone else. Changed his style of clothing and wears cologne. Where did he go? And why does she get to have this new version of him. I know we didn't have things perfect but it was a bomb when he said he didn't love me anymore and hasn't for a long time. That he's been very unhappy. I just always thought it was stress from work. Help!