I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

Thank you for your comment. I especially like the first line you wrote about friends. The simple pleasure and value of having friends, companionship. I feel like a child learning new simple things every day! hahaha

I understand the WAS pursing LBS but like the typical 180 didn't work for my H while we were still living together, I don't think it'll work for him. I just know in my guts that hinting him I've moved on will send a wrong message. So I'm not moving his stuff in the house or asking him about the keys he still has to the house. (And of course I actually don't mind that he does) Soon after BD, I started going out and letting him know little about whereabout and detaching physically. While I think it may have worked a little, he seemed even more distant as time went by. I don't think my distancing was doing our sitch any favor. So I decided to change it back little bit and increase physical touch... only I couldn't. My coach suggested that I would do little more drastic to have a physical contact with him since I was so beyond scared to even touch him. It was like he had an invisible barrier around him. I was still scared and all I could was give him a hug before I went to bed. Then his grandpa passed and I supported him in any way I could. Since around that time my fear just went away. Looking at his grandpa in bed and seeing his wife of over 60 years talking to him even though he wasn't responding did something to my head. I realized I should at least show H how much I care about him without saying it with words that might have pushed him away. I hugged him as many times as I could and I noticed he was hugging me back really tight and even longer than I anticipated. I'm sure he felt the love from me he had always wanted to feel for years..

My GALs? Too many to list here! I actually carry a small notebook in my purse now and every time I do something new or exciting (even the smallest things!) I log what I did in the notebook. But the biggest one has to be volunteering and driving. I mean now I drive anywhere without even thinking but before… pffft it’s so embarrassing to even say I would dread about going somewhere alone I ended up not going a lot of places because of that. How much fun had I missed out on all these years!

Driving anywhere
More new places, the better!

Improving cooking skills.
I always cooked dinners almost every night and my H loved it but I was always cooking the same thing and never really made time to improve it. What’s worse is that whenever I tried making something new and failed, I would throw the biggest fit and never cooked the same thing again. Talk about being cynical! And I don’t like reading recipes so my goal is to try new recipes and practice.

Having girls’ night at my house and treat them to my cooking.
We just did this the other night and we had a BLAST. I can’t believe I never even thought about inviting them to my house for dinner before.

Saying yes to any kind of fun activities/invitations from friends.
So far I’ve done go-carting and photo shoot. As the Summer approaches I know I’m adding more fun activities to the list.

Toning up.
People consider I’m so tiny and skinny but that’s because I hide really well. They obviously haven’t see my flabby thighs because I always hide them. My legs have always been my biggest complex and just like driving I give up wearing different types of clothes because of that. I’ve been really focusing on toning up so I can wear mini skirts like I never have. I’m beginning to be able to wear slim tight gym pants and not being so self-conscious about it already. I’m taking one step at a time..

So basically I had been a wife who always did the same thing, stayed home, wanted to hang out with H all the time, and wore jeans all the time. Geez!