When I brush my W's hair/scratch her head, we both enjoy it. I don't want to come across as pursuing, so I only do it once or twice a month, and only when it feels right. (like when she's connecting) I see it as rewarding positive behavior.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl