I know you know better and I think that the feedback you got from your wife was really good.
Unless they are open to it and actually asking for this type of feedback, people generally don't like feedback that somehow suggests there is something wrong with them.
Your W is likely getting a sense that you are both monitoring her AND "diagnosing" her. Which of course, is true. That's fairly common theme I think, when we recommend to LBS to have no R talk.
Until... the LBS can learn the difficult art of listening.
Focus on yourself and keep listening and your W will slowly believe that you are not analysing her and... in her mind... judging her...
