I was under the impression that the OM was married...
Nope. Not sure where you got that from. I always thought he was actually single. I guess in his mind he is. lol He's got a girlfriend I know that now. But thats there issues to deal with, not mine. I did text with this morning. I couldnt take my son crying all night long asking for her and all this morning on the way to school saying he wants momma to pick him up. This is the exchange:
Me:When does the show start up again?
W: Schooling today, show tomorrow
Me: No matter how I phrase it or try to cal him down, he cried all nigh and was asking for you all morning since he woke up. If there is anyway you could come see him tonight I know it would make him really happy, Just let me know when you get a cahnce. I understand if you cant. I just cant convey to you how much he is missing you and asks for you
W:I understand. And thats why I wanted him to come and you changed the plan. Let me try because i would really like to see him too but you are now asking basically at the start of the show again
Me:And I appreciate you letting him stay instead of going up there. But thats not something that needs to be discussed right now. Just let me know if you can make it work. Thanks
It definitely got me upset when she said, "I changed the plan" are you kidding me? When I texted her thursday I said, "I am not comfortable at all with S going to show now and would like it if you would let him please just stay with me" Well she still could have come and got him, but she realized why I wasnt comfortable with that and decided to stay up there. I wanted to same something back, but I think I handled as best as i could considering my emotions right now
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
The WAS's perception of things is usually much different than our own. Believe it or not I bet in her mind she fully believes you changed the plans and she's probably blaming you for S missing her. Nothing at all you can do about that...
What you can do •Have no expectations regarding your W visiting or not visiting your S tonight.
•Try to figure out things you can do with S to keep him busy so he doesn't think about her. It's hard as hell and I've lived it so I know what you're going through.
You may not notice it but you'd be surprised how much he's feeding off your emotions no matter how hard you thinks you're hiding them. Guessing he can tell you're tense, ticked off and that's creating anxiety in him. Try to relax as much as possible and enjoy this time with your S.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Thanks Spartan. That's exactly what I'm doing. In trying not to have any expectations whether she is going to come see him or not. I'm also prepared on what to say if she doesn't. Which is basically "no problem" I really don't want to get into any of this while she is gone. I have had some very good positive things at work the last couple of days that takes some stress and pressure off of me. It's a rainy day here so if she doesn't come back to town, I've decided we will play lego Star Wars together on the PS3. He loves that game and we can play it together as well. I love the time I'm having with him, but you are right I really need to watch my attitude around him so he doesn't feed off of that. I just don't understand how a parent can put her needs and wants ahead of their child so easily it seems like. Funny thing is that's exactly what I was doing a year ago myself. I guess that's why it angers me because I see it so clearly now
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
You may not notice it but you'd be surprised how much he's feeding off your emotions no matter how hard you thinks you're hiding them. Guessing he can tell you're tense, ticked off and that's creating anxiety in him. Try to relax as much as possible and enjoy this time with your S.
I agree cbt, kids know when your not happy. If you can try to focus on you and him, not on W or sitch when your with him, I'm sure it is hard, but you can do it!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Funny thing is that's exactly what I was doing a year ago myself.
I was emotionally absent from my family for awhile, I know for me I was in my addiction, my mind was working to get my fix. I didn't even comprehend what I was doing, it wasn't even a thought in my head. It is a bad place to be, but I was there. Your W may be somewhere like that, lost in her head, not seeing what she is or isn't doing. Hang in there buddy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, speaking of your addiction. I went down that path or at least close to it for awhile. So much so that i put a blocker on my iPhone. I know that is very hard to break. Praying for you man. Keep up the good work
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I just don't understand how a parent can put her needs and wants ahead of their child so easily it seems like. Funny thing is that's exactly what I was doing a year ago myself. I guess that's why it angers me because I see it so clearly now
Just to quote a movie here....
Hey! How exactly is a rainbow made?
How exactly does a sun set?
How exactly does a posi-trac rear-end on a Plymouth work?
It just does.
Trying to understand the "crazy" is never gonna pay off for you..
Try to accept the new reality of what is happening around you, and not let your mind wander to the land of "what ifs" and "whys".
There are a lot of scary creatures that live there...
What she is doing, doesn't make you better, or her worse. It is what it is for now...
It doesn't mean it always has to be this way...
And if you live in that too long, you will find yourself thinking that you are superior to her, because she chose left, and you chose right.
If you think that way, remember that your thoughts become words..
And if you live in that too long, you will find yourself thinking that you are superior to her, because she chose left, and you chose right.
If you think that way, remember that your thoughts become words..
Your words become actions...
And your actions become behavioral patterns...
Be careful what you think....
Thank you Mach for that.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks for the positive thoughts Mach. I don't know why, but everytime I see your name on my thread I still think I'm about to get a 2x4. Lol I see exactly what you are thinking. As a matter of fact I was just thinking to myself to be careful and remember where I was 7 or 8 months ago and how terribly I was treating my family. I think this is where I get confused on whether I want it to work or not because I start thinking of all the negative things and choices. And then I get upset on why she wouldn't just work on herself and our marriage. But then I realize why would she??! I spent so long doing terrible things and treating her horribly, why would she think that could change. I'm reminded that just a couple weeks ago I told her I upset and bitter I had become about the lying about OM. She said take the last 3 months that she was lying to me and times it by 6 and that's how she felt for so long. Ouch I also keep reminding myself what I wise man told me. It would be selfish for you to change and then just leave her behind without giving her a chance to change after she put up with the worst of you for 2 years
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
And if you live in that too long, you will find yourself thinking that you are superior to her, because she chose left, and you chose right.
If you think that way, remember that your thoughts become words..
Your words become actions...
And your actions become behavioral patterns...
Be careful what you think....
Yeah thanks for that one. How long is too long?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
