We had a few arguments in the last couple of months, were my wife cried.
First I would make sure to do a 180 on this. Figure out how you can discuss things without it coming to this. My IC told me there are 3 levels of communication- child/ parent/ adult. If you're scolding a child for doing something wrong it's parent-child. If you are conversing with a coworker it's adult-adult. There is two way respect in adult-adult. There's not in parent-child. If your W ends up crying I suspect your arguments are parent-child (that's how it was in mine as well). Always strive for your communications with W to be adult-adult. For me, just hearing this and recognizing it was enough for me to do a full 180 on it. W and I have not had an argument since before BD. I just wish someone had explained it to me sooner!
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and last weekend she mentioned that we should become better with each other before moving. This was the alarm sign that made me go into alert mode.
Don't panic! This wasn't another BD, it was just a warning. Be thankful she warned you this time! Do try to work on things, but don't overdo it.
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I started doing some 180 degrees changes. In the last few days I am smiling more, I am polite and helpful to my wife. I started supporting some of her ideas that I discarded in the past. I am waking up at night when she feeds our baby and making her company, so that she doesn't feel alone in those times.
Great! Remember that 180's need to be CONSISTENT too. Don't do them a while and then stop, that'll send the message that they were just temporary tricks to get her back. Be consistent and make them permanent.
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My wife suggested that we could go out for dinner with friends without our baby, and I supported that decision.
OK, now make it happen.
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But I am very afraid that it's too late, that she lost what she got. I feel her colder, she doesn't respond to my hugs and I feel that her kisses are different. It might all be in my head, and she might just be going through a bad phase, but I can't stop thinking about it.
That whole paragraph is nothing but expectations. You need to drop the expectations! Do 180's because it's the right thing to do, not because you expect her hugs to be warmer or her kisses more loving. Those things will come in time. Be patient!
