DBing European Style, part 2

[AnotherStander]

I realize now that I made ALL of the classic mistakes, andI don't know (don't think) that I can turn things around anymore, and that's okay.

You absolutely can, we all have backslides! Some greater than others I made all the classic mistakes too. One benefit we get from making mistakes is we more clearly see what DOESN'T work

I'm feeling better about muself having come as far as I have with regaining my independence and working on socializing and PMA and all that. My confidence levels are inching back upwards and I am looking towards the future with more confidence.

Fantastic! Real PMA is MUCH more effective than faking it!

I don't know what it would take for W to change her mind, but I can't sit around worrying about that.

Only she can change her mind, and only time can get her there. There's nothing we can do to speed the process up. We just have to get out of their way and work on ourselves.

AnotherStander is my role model, and I'm going to try to emulate him and even think about what he would do

Thank you, that's very kind Regarding the birthday, I would definitely acknowledge it to your W in some way, a call would be better than a text I think. Birthdays (and Christmas) have always been a huge deal in my family. My W's bday fell not too long after BD and she was still at home, so I gave her a party and presents, not as big as "normal" but not small either. She enjoyed it, I doubt it helped the sitch but it didn't hurt it either. By Christmas she had been moved out quite a while and I wasn't planning on buying her anything. I talked to her about it and to my surprise, she had already bought me things. So we ended up exchanging gifts. Sandi's 180 tips say not to give gifts, so take that for what it's worth.

W wants to tell the kids about the D after S10s b-day celebrations are over.

She doesn't mean right after does she? I hope she at least gives it a few days so it doesn't spoil his moment!

I can even feel sympathy for W in what she's been going through. I could never have said that before, I was too hurt, sad, and scared to even consider her pain -- heck *I* was the victim here, right? Well now I realize that this cuts both ways.

Great, that's a good place to be! If you can respect and acknowledge what your W is going through it puts you in a better position to honestly validate her feelings when she opens up.