i hear ya on the fri nite thing. it's just that stupid long long process of letting go of what you thought was "your life".
i guess no more or less. we sound good on paper alot of the time- and that's important. we're in there trying like mad- we have our tiny little victories- i guess that's all we can expect.
the friend thing is a tough one. my friends are great - they're all married and pretty much attached and happy. i'm definitely the third wheel- sometimes it's okay and i'm a good distracton for them.. sometimes i feel like a jerk and don't foist my own little miserable self on them - you know, mercy there.
it's a toss up any tgiven nite or weekend nite. they all do things with fam & mate on weekends. makes them particularly lonely- i get it too.
i don't unde5stand being treated nicely. if you're being nice to me- i think you care bout me. if you're treating me like crap- i think you hate me - well, don't like me very much.
pick one. i don't enjoy solitary activities out of the house too much myself. if i'm home i can paint or sew or garden- all solitary. when i'm "out" - i want to be with someone. since i'm not much of a shopper- what the heck isn't morefun with a sidekick?
i'm thinking maybe i need to find a walking club- or biking ? or gardening- or something like that. just new people doing something i don't mind doing. i'm not great at biking- but i probably could do it if i had to. i can walk- i just like getting out of house - we need it i ghink= and i also think that's where we'll meet strange & new people. well, that or volunteer or work.
i've got to get my butt motivated and JUST DO IT. I'M ALL TALK these days- i hate this,
i hate it all - i just want to say it to someone who hates it too and knows what i'm saying. it's like some dirty little secret in one's life- dbing. daring to try- - -
sometimes I EVEN see myself as a gutless worm for taking this route. it's awful & painful & hard - but it's (maybe) still more familiar than total global nuclear war. idk- 'i'd bette go get busy and quit thinking before my head explodes today.
you're pretty "happenin" and brave to go to a hotel alone and just have a change od scenery. maybe you should find and go on a little weekend trip somewhere or something like that. thru a travel agent or tour or someting? ya think?
