Take the hits and keep moving forward.

[stilllookingup]

Everyone tells me I need to not show her any of my hurt. Does that mean I spend the rest of my life pretending something is fine when I'm struggling?

I didn't say that so I'm not sure but maybe they mean "not right now"? This is not the time to pour out all your emotions at her.

I often think about "what if we R" and the first thing that comes to my mind is that I will feel resentful for all the pain and time. As far as DB goes we shouldn't feel that way but hey I'm only human I can't stop feeling what I feel.. just like you. But then I always go back to all these YEARS he had felt unhappy and sad and how much I've changed since BD (in a good way) Every time I think about that, the thought of resentment goes away.

I'm glad to hear though that you are coming around! I too go to the gym when I have something on my mind. I can't believe I have put off going back to the gym for a LONG TIME. I totally forgot how exercising helps clearing my head and feeling good!