IMHO, Opt - I think the dream went beyond the Id or any other forms of psych. I think that the one who took human form in your dream represented the Creator. Not that I think XOW's pastor is good or bad--just what the man symbolized in your dream.
Yesterday was my birthday and H and D got me a small pink (her favorite color) cake, and a bunch of lillies. He gave me a very pretty necklace and she gave me a pink bunny doll. There was a card saying "Happy Bday. From D and H with love."
Things continue as before. He is home, he calls and he has dropped one day of office work. He is also helping with the garden and involved in planning D's 5th birthday party. His sister is coming to stay with us for a week next Thursday. The wh*re is still there and we have not done any financial talks.
I guess this is detachment. I've decided to trust he will do the things by himself, eventually. If I am wrong and he does not... well, I tried. If that makes me stupid, tough luck. I am stupid.
Quote: I will not deny what is past, The future will some day be, And of the present, what bussiness is it of people? They will talk anyway... Do keep filling this minute with reasons to breathe, Do not humor me, Do not deny me, do not talk for talk's sake...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I don't think it makes you stupid one bit. (It couldn't be, because we know you're one of the smartest cookies on the board!). Seriously, I think you have the most amazing patience and dedication. To think you are going through this limbo day by day...I give you tremendous amount of credit, as well, for giving H the benefit of the doubt. I think that will truly be beneficial. H will feel your faith in him. And I think it's lovely that he and D made you a card.
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu! Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu! Happy Birthday dearest Opt! Happy Birthday tooooooo youuuuuuu!
Another year wiser perhaps? You are doing the right thing. Let things play out, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.
With your acceptance of letting your H deal with things in his way and not your way, I think he will feel a renewed sense of cohesiveness and with that, the responsibility to do the right thing.
Patience is indeed a virtue and you possess so much of it! Yeah for you!
Keep up the strength, wisdom and courage!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Opt, Well, if you are stupid, we all are stupid. We all are either waiting until we've had enough, or waiting for them to get their heads screwed back on... neither is an optimum situation, but until we say enough is enough, we have to remain hopeful that our lives WILL work out.
I am encouraged by lostlove's thread... it seems it took forever for her to be happy... (and still wonder if she would agree with that assessment). Time, it seems, does heal, both you and he. Such a large wound as the one in your home surely deserves plenty of recovery time.
Hang in there.
PS Got my tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries, herbs planted. Just need to hurry and cover them before the deer find them.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I have a rather pesky headache today, but I was reading Sage's latest series of posts and had the weirdest sense of deja vu... I could not resist posting.
I continue to live in a sort of emotional limbo. My H has been very much with us all the weekend, and even cleaned out the garage, where years of junk saved from multiple moves seemed to have taken up residence. He called multiple times during the day and asked me how to organize his work so that he'd spend more time with us. He even came back in the middle of the day and had lunch with us. And he told me he had changed the problem accounts to our joint CFA.
I have had however a certain uneasiness, which I think is based on my perception of some of his behavior. I am wondering whether he is not slipping back into some old tricks. Of course, it could all be my fears; I am really not sure of whether this is real or just overreacting to perceived slights, but I've chosen not to do anything about it and see what happens:
1. A couple of times during the weekend he made some fairly sarcastic comments about my not having done stuff. I did feel disrespected (and two minutes later, I heard a radio program on how sarcasm more than anger was a predictor of failure in marriage)
2. We went shopping together and he got all defensive when I made an innocent comment (aboout plastic forks, of all things).
3. Our has dwindled to twice a week or so. (I know, I know, I should not complain... but he!! in retrospect, it has been a reliable indicator of how he feels about us)
4. He acts impatient and jumpy
5. He has not talked at all about his scheduled doctor's appointment (of which I know because I snooped, of course. Every so often I do a small "spotcheck" just in case).
Anyway, I have not commented on anything and gotten on with my life, but at times I wonder if that is the correct way to go or I am ignoring trouble signals... He seemed to get over things better when I did not react, though...
Why do I like to second guess things?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Opt, It just seems like for some it takes a while to get "settled" back into a trusting relationship. It's okay to second guess, be on guard, whatever, just don't make yourself crazy.
Maybe you can spice up the by initiating more, who knows.
Hang in there, you have come such an incredibly long way. Hey, whenever you get a bit perplexed, remember that incredibly long three weeks when you didn't know where the heck he was... now he's calling you all the time... and sounds like the finances are FIXED... one thing at a time, girlfriend. Still looking to August!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
New development: I got a letter from the attorney telling me me got a notice of dismissal from the judge. If I do nothing they will dismiss my divorce petition in April 15th. Part of me says go ahead and do it: it is just the logical next step. The other part wants reassurance that this is really working and we are not getting a divorce eventually.
I guess I will go ahead and let him dismiss the divorce. Do you think I am making a mistake?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
has dwindled to twice a week or so. (I know, I know, I should not complain... but he!! in retrospect, it has been a reliable indicator of how he feels about us)