Take the hits and keep moving forward.

[T1000]

I'm starting to come around to the notion that she didn't cheat. Well she didn't but it feels the same or it feels very hurtful.
I thinking about what and when my next move should be.

Right now I would like to carry on the fight and live happily ever after with W. If I'm able to let it go.

How do I do that?
How long should I leave it before contact?
Even though it still stings I feel like asking her is she wants to spend some time together, casually or with the kids.

It feels like there is so much to this. It's as if I'm dealing with infidelity (but not so strictly speaking) but she is not responsible for my feelings. How would I even begin to deal with this as it's described in the book if she doesn't have to accept any of the ramifications to the way I feel?

Everyone tells me I need to not show her any of my hurt. Does that mean I spend the rest of my life pretending something is fine when I'm struggling?

It always felt that getting our M back on track was going to be an uphill battle with where we both live all our previous issues and now this big f***ing cherry slammed right on the top to drive me totally insane with rage.

It's writing posts like this that can make me manic. The more I write the more it's laid out to see how much there is to fix.