It sounds like your H has some serious issues going on inside him and they are just coming out focused on you. Our spouses are always the easiest ones to lash out at.
Reading back over the story it seems that there were some moments and events outside your M that triggered a lot of the issues.
I am hoping for the best for you.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
