Working on saving my marriage, again

[Lonely Room]

Hello all,

I don't post on the forum for more than a year now. You can get all the story of my marriage by reading my previous posts, but as a summary, my wife fell out of love for me 2 years ago and I was asked to leave.

We were separated without contact for almost half a year and suddenly she contacted me, saying that she would like to start seeing me from time to time. We started going out together, we became intimate again, we went on holiday and everything was really good.

In April last year she got pregnant (we didn't plan it) and had an amazing pregnancy, where we supported each other. Our boy is now 4 months old and he's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Shortly after our baby was born I started having some work problems that are now mostly resolved. The pressure of accommodating life around a newborn also proved to be very tiring and draining, as everyone knows. The fact is that at some point we stopped having time for ourselves and stopped enjoying life as we were before. I became a bit sad and snappy, I must confess. We had a few arguments in the last couple of months, were my wife cried.

We've been looking to move to another house and last weekend she mentioned that we should become better with each other before moving. This was the alarm sign that made me go into alert mode. Before that I was in a "trance" and I wasn't clearly seeing things and how she was feeling. That changed everything.

I started thinking a lot about the recent past, how I have been feeling, the things that I did for myself while separated and that turned me into a better person, and that I stopped doing at some point in the end of last year. I remembered about the hints that I could have noticed from my wife in the last few months that should have showed me that something was wrong.

I am scared now.

Very scared. I am afraid that my wife has lost her love for me again. I am scared of not being able to see my son, that beautiful child that I love more than anything and just thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes right now.

I started doing some 180 degrees changes. In the last few days I am smiling more, I am polite and helpful to my wife. I started supporting some of her ideas that I discarded in the past. I am waking up at night when she feeds our baby and making her company, so that she doesn't feel alone in those times.

I already have some activities planned with friends and I plan to go out more often with them. I will resume my martial arts training tomorrow and will start going to the gym again on a regular basis and not just sporadically.

My wife suggested that we could go out for dinner with friends without our baby, and I supported that decision.

But I am very afraid that it's too late, that she lost what she got. I feel her colder, she doesn't respond to my hugs and I feel that her kisses are different. It might all be in my head, and she might just be going through a bad phase, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I am working on saving my marriage again. I know I shouldn't have stopped doing that from day 1, but I did. I'm not perfect, and as much as I learned from my past mistakes, I still made some of them again.

And I would like to hear you opinions and suggestions, please. I am asking for your help again, because it was with your help that I saved my marriage before.

Thank you very much for reading this long text.