The long and winding road

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks UW and WH!

I feel like I was given this challenge because I was ready to receive it.

H comes home this evening and we make small talk. He asks me how work was. And I tell him that OW came to talk to me.

He seemed rather surprised. Asked me what time this was today. Huh???

I repeated my story. He did seem uncomfortable at times. Had a strange look on his face when I said she said she knew that she treated me terribly. Then he got defensive when we were discussing how OW said there were rumors of an A at work. I told him that I told her that I could understand how rumors could be hurtful, but on the other hand, maybe she should examine her behavior to see why exactly people were saying this.

He got mad.

He went off about how there are always rumors about people at work. I was almost going to say, "Well, do people ever say I am having an A?" But thought better of it

Anyway, the rumors at work are definitely a sore spot for him.

He asked me how things ended, and I told him. Asked me how I felt about it, and I said okay. I added that I didn't think she was being completely honest about everything, that it kinda seemed like she was fishing for info.

He wanted to know what I meant by that.

I said that when we discussed the picture I found, she wanted to know why I was still with you, and I thought that was a very weird thing to say. (And of course went into my spiel about not bailing when things got tough and wedding vows. he gave me a lot of intense eye contact for that). I also brought up about the phone call I heard a week before bomb at 3:00 am - she wanted to know if I overheard any of the conversation. Now why would she care about that?

He just looked at me.

For the most part, he was okay, but did try to turn things around on me as usual. And I purposely brought up OW's H just to see H's reaction, and he seemed to be very uncomfortable.

I also said that she said she hoped I would forgive her for how she's treated me. He wanted to know what I said.

I told him that I believe in forgiveness, and believe that everyone is worthy of forgiveness, but that we could never be friends again because I don't trust her.

We did talk a bit about him and how he is feeling. He reiterated that he feels like a shell of himself, that he knows he is a different person, that he has a lot of anger, that he has a lot of things he is trying to deal with. I asked him if he had days where he felt good, and he said no, that he never felt good. I asked him if he meant physically or emotionally, and he said both. He said he had days where he felt better than others, but he wouldn't say he ever felt good.

So for those of you wondering what goes on in the mind of the MLCer, there you have it, right from the horse's mouth.

My mind is spinning with so much stuff now, my conversation with her, my conversation with him. Wondering what the conversation between them is going to be like...

H seemed good when saying goodnight. We will see how this all plays out.

Thanks for listening