This seems like a good way of thinking about things.
Dawn, You are a gem. It really helped me to hear this from you. The insights from your H are amazing.
I have been thinking about the way XH always said he did not want to give me false hope.
Eg, by going to the movies with us, hanging at our house to help the kids with home work, having coffee with me, etc. All the things he indicated he was willing to do straight after D was granted.
He was aways going to D me. His mind was made up on Day 1 of BD. He was resolute.
Now he doesn't have to worry about giving me false hope. We are D-ed.
A big trial for me now to deal with the increased contact he wants with the kids, but not to see anything as an opportunity to build a foundation for possible reconciliation. Got to keep my hopes in check. And I do wonder what's going to come next.
Mainly, I fear that he will announce his marriage to OW pretty much straight away. Then a baby. I would find this hard, and i am afraid that it's coming.
I am also conflicted in my thinking about whether I would ever want to be reconciled with this person, too.
I want to prevent him taking more of my money, and I want him to pay back the money he has taken from me and my family, but other than that, I'm not so sure.
Like Golfmom, I still hold onto the shred of a dream of my family being whole again. For the kids, mostly. But I think I'm holding onto a fantasy, not a real possibility.
I think that things may be better now than before D, however.
Although I run the risk of cake-eating again, at least he is not ranting.
And I got a coffee, some food, and a free ride. No small matters in my current financial state.
NIce is better than raging monster who can't get his own way. But is it better than 'out of my life'?
