Ok well my life gets better and better. I now was told i need to move out of this house by the end of may. maaybe i can ask my WAW if I canrent a room from her 3 bedroom rental that she only needs one room .
Ok well it is a long story. I love this place but the land lord son is in jail and may get out and they need this pace for him. Not and i mean just now as i type I was told i may need to more out even before the 30 days. I think in NYS with no lease I have 30 day from the day they told me.
so not i have to deal with this [censored].
As far as my WAW i have tried to keep the contact to a min. and have done so very well i think . I have also helped ,y step daughter and the respect i get from her is very god. I talked a lot to her and I did not bring up the the W. But she did . I said as little as i could. But yes was fishing for info. So it is hard to say unless you were there. but it may really be that my WAW has turned gay and or BI. She is out with others as the stepdaughter said but the one girl that i told my wife i felt i was replaced by is living with her now. Now i was not told straight out if you saw the looks and reactions from the Step daughter then you would know she is sleeping with her or something.But again ll this said i can not confirm. Even the daughter told her mom that she needs to deal with this but she said it is like she is sweeping it under the rug hoping it will go away. I also found out she is 450 behind in tv bill 500 in a car bill and electric is 150 month behind. but yet she is going out having fun. doing what she wants too. I feel like taking back all the money in the joint account and closing it just to say [censored] you WAW... I also wanted to send a note telling her that i hope she is being safe when it comes to sex as you do not want to give others what you gave me. All this hurts yes. But i got alot of little insight from step daughter.
Oh me step son from the WAW text me the other day out of the blue and said some very nice things. he said he wanted to thank me for all the nice things i have done for his sister. that is realy cool you are helping her out thank you very much.
It made me cry and i replied to him that it was very nice to hear the god things you said to me. and i wanted you to know that the same goes for you . I would help you if needed as well. you guys are good kids. no matter what happens with your mom and I just know i will be here for you.
Oh the stepdaughter even told me that her real dad was very shocked and impressed that i was helping in the way i have been. he told her that he must be a good man and your mom just lost an other one.....
before all the above i did send an email to WAW just saying this
Hi WAW, I hope everything is going well for you. Just had been thinking about you.
Sorry I but for got one thing in last email I will do my best not to contact you at this point. I will just wait till you are ready to have coffee dinner or whatever to just talk. I sure do miss just talking to you.... But I will wait for you and when you feel ready just call text or email. I just do not want to pressure you at all just putting it out there.
Also, I may have a few things in the house that are yours I will try to get them to you some how soon
love you
WAW I would love to just talk to you sometime. Maybe have dinner or even just coffee. I do miss and really desire talking to you like you told me one day you felt the same.
But maybe you are not ready yet who knows. I keep trying to reach out but get ignored. something I thought you would never do to any one.
You know how I do feel about you but I can put that aside. If we could just talk at some point. I would Love to show you my salt water tanks I think it would be something you would enjoy.
I do not want to put any pressure on you at all. I know you have had a lot going on with lynsey and im sure your work....
So when your ready please lets do coffee or dinner if you would like. But it would really be nice if you just did not totally ignore my texts. never would have thought you would do that to anyone or maybe you are not getting the texts.
You know this already but i love you
so again and again i am lost in limbo land. I just do not know what to do if anything any more. I do know the stepdaughter did say that her mom did want aa divorce and she did file but this was some time ago. and I have never got any papers. Im suppose to correct???
Ok well I got a different response to a text I sent my WAW.
The text said this Hi Kristin Was just thinking of you. God love you I know you don't want to hear this but yes I love you to. Miss going out to dinner and just talking like we did. Have an good day Wish you could get over whatever it is you hate me for. I forgave you But maybe in time you will come to the table to and we could talk over coffee or dinner I'm sure your significant other would not mind Love you as you are my true love. Just sharing and don't feel as if you can't talk to me just to just talk. Lu
ok guys here are all the text i sent the past week or 2
SENT BY ME Hope you have time to enjoy the day Would love to take u for a ride on my bike one day
SENT BY ME Hope all is well I'm I blocked now can't seem to send pic of ducks u liked
SENT BY ME Well I see crap in front of your house when I was house hunting. Here is a number of someone who will take it away for free. I got the freezer and all a/c units taken for free. XXX-XXX-XXXX and XXX-XXX-XXXX
SENT BY ME I have the rest of all your crap in the basement once your mom takes what's she wants I'm going to call this guy to get it out of here. If I do not hear any thing from you saying you want something u left here im going to tell him to take it.
SENT BY ME Hey I know your [censored] angry about something but I'm not going to stop being who I am and be nice. God love all !!!!! As do I
SENT BY ME What the hell did i do so bad to you to be treated with total hate disrespect I know this it not who you are or maybe you are now Xo
SENT BY ME You are so wrong here and you know it!!! Place looks empty crap on side of road well are u moving now, U really think I care ,I just dislike what u r doing to me! the total disrespect and hate you need to deal and stop avoiding things..
SENT BY ME What happen to you WAW the kind hearted loving one. Is she still in there?
SENT BY WAW First of all I don't appreciate the cursing. I don't do that to u. I'm not quite sure what all this is about, but I chose not to have these confirtations with you. I am still very kind hearted thank u very much. Now my phone is about to die and I refuse to have a txting war with you.
SENT BY ME Wish the kindness was shown more like I said. I just do not understand what was done to you so bad that you treat me the way you do. I have been nothing but there for you and your kids and to help you. But i get nothing but crap from you.... That is why I said what I said about being so un lovinging and disrespectfull. Thought that would be esy to you to figure out.
so im sure i messed everything up here i just try to rely on God to help me past all this but is does not change the hurt and what about my anger.
Ok so I did say i was sorry to WAW about swearing at her. got no reply from her. but i found about 3 boxes her stuff in the house. alot a wedding pic's. Should I give them to her? I took what i wanted. I also had a large bag of purple rose pedals and butterfly's i was going to use last year when she was still in the house for valentines day. should I sent them to her to. I do not want them.
I had a total mental emotional breakdown last night. I just felt that i just wanted to end it all. no im not that stupid. I am just sharing how bad was and well still feel bad.
I just have to deal with WAW and Packing up cause I need to be out by the end of this month. I have not found a place yet. Im looking but rentals hare hard to find i need a house and one that will take a dog and saltwater tanks.. On top of that the wife has moved and im sure it is with her new BF or GF. i still dont know.
But i cant stress how down i am and how much and how many times i just feel like ending it. My Medical Dr had put me on meds but they do not feel like they work and i told him. My DB Coach last session just did not know what to do any more.
i keep in touch with WAW mom and my step daughter and step son all by there doing not me. I just want to be happy and in love. I am doing the best i can to join groups and but it just does not seem to help. so i keep reaching out for things that will help me. I guess the biggest thing that bothers me is that may WAW just does not want to talk. she is not saying divorce but she says she will come to the table in her time not my time. how the hell do i take that. Is it just as hard for her? i just don't know what to do any longer. you have no idea how bad I am mentally.
Just have to say my Dr also told me that my vitamin D and B12 is critical low so im getting shots and a take a vit D pill from the Dr. this he said will also cause me mood to be low.
How the hell do i move on? how do i let go but keep the hope if there is any. I know this is stupid but it has been just over a year but i still love her.
any one feel the same way and how the heck do you cope and get out of this funk.
