Intact, I too feel that if my W didn't move in with the EA friend, I would be on a better path to reconciliation. But then I have to think, would I have continued to follow the DB principles and would I have learned to be a better person? Who knows? While I don't have an OM to worry about (unless female EA becomes one), I do worry that the longer the S goes, the more time she is used to being a single person. That scares me a lot.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Hoping for some advice from the vets if possible please...
These days I'm having very little interaction with Wife. In fact she needed to drop Sons bag off yesterday and rather than knock on the door she just left it outside. When we do see each other it's always pleasant...
Is there any way to help her come a little closer - or should I just continue to distance myself in hope that she inches a little closer?
JOURNAL:
GAL and 180s are all going well. Have done a few courses over the last few weeks that I've really enjoyed and I continue to spend a lot of time with my friends.
My relationship with Son is excellent - but I'd call his relationship with his Mother fractured... Which I obviously don't want... He swears at her a lot and I know that he blames her. I only speak in positives regarding her around him.
I'm self employed and I've landed the biggest job I've ever had this November - which I'm really looking forward too.
Wife continues to distance herself - I actually feel like I'm co-parenting our Son with her Mum. She doesn't seem interested in anything else apart from her relationship with OM - which she still denies to our Son. She kind of hides him away - and as far as I know they don't see each other during the evenings when she has Son - they work opposite each other though during the day...
Detaching wise - I feel like I'm in a pretty good place. Not great, but ok. Some days the thought of her with OM is very painful other days I just manage to tell myself this is all part of her journey.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
These days I'm having very little interaction with Wife. In fact she needed to drop Sons bag off yesterday and rather than knock on the door she just left it outside. When we do see each other it's always pleasant...
If things are pleasant it seems really odd that she'd just dump the bag and go. Maybe she was in a hurry to get somewhere.
Quote:
Is there any way to help her come a little closer - or should I just continue to distance myself in hope that she inches a little closer?
I'll answer that with the squirrel analogy:
"If you try to feed a squirrel by hand, you have to hold perfectly still. It will slowly come to you, but even if you don't move, it will sometimes get scared and retreat. But it will return and get a little closer each time. If you get impatient and make any move towards it, it will quickly run the other way and the entire process starts all over again from the beginning. But if you remain patient, it will come closer and closer until it will finally take the nut from you."
So the answer is you can't help her to come to you any faster. Any attempt you make to help her will just send her running again. So just be patient and let her set the pace.
It could be that she's pulled back due to the letter sent last week.
She did text though and say she left bag outside as it looked like the house was locked up - so perhaps I'm over thinking...
However, I never initiate contact these days - the trouble is neither does she. So there is very minimal contact at the moment but perhaps like the squirrel it's best at the time being if I continue to stand off?
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Ok had a short text conversation today with W - it was only about Son but the tone of it made me feel happy
Me: Hi W, just to let you know Sons tooth still hurting - have a nice day.
W: Oh dear. Lets hope the other bit falls out ASAP I will keep an eye on it. Sure he will keep you updated on the progress. Did he try for the tooth fairy?
Me: LOL no, he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy.
W: Yes I know LOL but he still tries to get the money. He's not daft our Son LOL
Me: HaHa very true - he will probably try when the rest falls out.
W: Ha maybe! Have a good day.
I know it's nothing, but this actually felt like a text conversation rather than instructions if that makes any sense? A tiny baby step perhaps.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Sounds like a good exchange, I was dim on my W for several months and just started reaching out a bit a couple of weeks ago. Our exchanges are very much like yours- friendly. I don't have any expectations that it'll save our M, at this point I'm just hoping we can remain friends through the D process.
My W had to drop off some paperwork re: the son, so she drops it off during her lunchtime when I am not at home. So it does seem that she doesn't want to see me at all. She had plenty of time to drop off later or even at my school.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
No contact today off Wife - not expecting any either...
It's odd I can't stop thinking about all of the things I got wrong in our marriage. I curse myself for every time she came home from work and I didn't hug her, kiss her and ask about her day. Looking back it all seems so incredibly lazy... I really hope that one day she will find it in her heart to give me another chance because I certainly won't make the same mistakes again.
Think I need a project of some sort to do when I'm at home. When I've not got our Son the house can feel incredibly empty. Any suggestions anyone?
Thoughts are strange - some days I have real hope that one day our roads will meet again, other days (like today) I just think I should be moving on and that she will never come back.
I understand her complaints and understand her hurt, but I don't think I'll ever understand how she chose to deal with those issues.
MIL told me yesterday that on Sunday she had to take our Son out of the house as he was very angry with Wife. Seems so, so sad for him to have to go through this. It's not what I would have chosen for him in a million years. My heart bleeds for him as his only wish is to have his family re-united.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
A mixed bag... Had a great day yesterday with Son for our Bank Holiday. Had a BBQ, went bowling and then out for dinner.
Unfortunately when I got back I found out W was away for OM watching the bike racing. This set me back a little - Watching the bike racing was something she gave up when we met so I feel like it's another step forward for her and OM and a step back for me and her. I know I can't control it but it's always going to hurt.
I hate all of this so much sometimes.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
