Your H is living at home with you! I'd say things are leaning in your direction. Quit ASSuming! No display of bitterness that can and will send him running!
Be patient, wait a little while longer. Patience! Don't jump the gun, and stay away from the Att!
Well, if it were me, next time I was there I would go say, "since you don't want these, I'll just bag them up for charity. Then ask the W for a bag to do just that" LOL!
Regarding the cartoon in her office, maybe she is just doing a desperate attempt to hang on to their past. Don't assume it the worst...
I am glad that you stopped by to share the news about your DD with your H. And since you have an established pattern of dropping in at the office, maybe doing it just a little more often, in loving ways, would move things along with W. Make her be the one to question your H's motives to him. Leaves you out of it.
Have you taken a surprise lunch to your H lately? Or stopped in at the end of the day to go out to dinner? Just keep on acting as if. See what happens. Tell him it is your effort to keep the romance alive to do these fun and spontaneous things.
I am glad you stopped by though, I haven't posted much on my own thread lately either. My H and I are on a plateau - a good one, but a plateau none the less. I am determined to just keep nudging along.
I hope your D is doing well. My D9 is playing for the championship in hockey this weekend. CAn you believe it? She is having a blast. Meanwhile, the backyard rink is almost history as we have had a warm streak. THere is always next year.
Hang in there. Don't rush to assume - don't let your imagination or frustration lead your thoughts.
Keep a smile on your face, in your heart and in your voice.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I've spent the afternoon at the skating rink with two 4 year-olds and a 5 year-old... Talk about self-inflicted torture! I am wiped!
Earlier today Pam reminded me to make a list of things H is doing right... and it is only fair. So there they go:
Things he is doing right:
1. Leaves cell phone on all the time; and warns me when he turns it off and why. 2. Stays home longer in the mornings and comes back early many days 3. Spends lots of time with us 4. Is making plans for trips and fun stuff to do together as far in the future as July... 5. Lots of 6. Calls me unexpectedly in the middle of the day... to talk about nothing or ask what I am doing... and invite me out for lunch 7. Fixes us breakfast nearly every morning (a huge LL for him) and offers frequently to do the carpool thing so that I can sleep a bit longer...
so not everything is bad... I just tend to overlook the positives...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Opt... WOW what a list of positives!!! STOP giving OW any power... stop focusing on HER. Focus on you, your H and your D, period. This WILL shake itself out. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him... unconditionally. Heap on the LL. Hang in there!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
So far no news... I am reaching some level of detachment on all this, though nowhere near where I'd want to be. H is still being very much here, both physically and ... but he still lies to me on occassion. The other day I asked him if he had gotten another insurance policy (he got a letter from Metlife) and he said no. Well today he got a letter from Metlife saying they had approved his policy!
So, I am here and nice and stuff, but not letting myself get too involved. If he comes, fine, if he does not I have other things to do. On Tuesday, he called to say he had a meeting for dinner... and I promptly went out to dinner with a girlfriend. Unluckily I got home before he did, so he did not have time to worry... but I brought the leftover pad thai...
Yesterday we went to a gala night at our daughter's future school. The president of the board invited us. He was rather diffident at first, but we had a good time. And there were lots of people we know.
We watched the Oscars together with another couple. We had always watched the ceremony together since 1989, when we started dating... Last year that night, however we had just separated and I watched the ceremony with the same couple while he went to OK for the weekend with the wh*re for her son's wedding... while telling me he was at a meeting in Houston.
We also went to the Dallas Car Show, one of our annual traditions. Last year, we went together even though we were separated: he actually sneaked behind the wh*re's back and told her he was at work; he asked me to go under the pretext that he wanted me to help him find a car. I remember thinking I could not care less about his car or lack thereof... Time flies and things change.
He is making plans for our D's birthday party next month... and for a week or two in Europe in the winter...
Sorry, I am rambling... Better stop and go back to work.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Opt, This is from Jaime's thread... uncanny how it seems to be YOUR thread...
Quote: Deb, the first couple of months after my H's return were hard at times because I initially wanted him to do everything "right" so that I could trust completely again. Despite the logic I see in hindsight in the whole situation, I had difficulty comprehending that he was supposedly sure he was here to stay, but not simultaneously ready for every aspect of our relationship. Most of our OR conversations came when things were comfortable and relaxed between us. I somehow remembered the ongoing DB principles not to pressure for more talk during my individually stressed out times that often had nothing to do with what he was or wasn't doing.
It is safe to say I guess that my separation implicitly taught me how to think a little more before raising unpleasant issues, prioritize better, and relax on my own to get centered. Nevertheless, it would be less than truthful if I implied that I did not have some slips and slides when my H returned. Some made me so uncomfortably vulnerable. The key, however, is that if they happen, keep them to a minimum and remind yourself that, until he is ready to show you in his own way that he is 100% committed to you and your life together, you must find ways to allow the necessary time to pass. He likely has his own issues and fears that he is dealing with and sees things in a less time senstitive manner.
Hang in there and dig deep inside for strength, knowing how wonderful it is that because of your efforts you have reached the stage of rebuilding. Best of luck and hugs sent your way
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
