W walked up while I was outside this evening. She asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I agreed, and I asked to go into the house to get my earbuds to listen to music. Leashed up the dog, popped my buds in and walked with my wife. Boys blowing by on motorcycles, spring smells and sounds. This is how it is/was supposed to be. Earbuds provided the necessary barrier so there wasn't any need to talk. Just walked, and had to communicate with looks and facial expressions.
Too normal.....
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
thats the first thing I thought about too. I agree with you Bond!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I considered using the time to just chat, but was afraid I'd push too much. She has a three day weekend trip planned and I'm not at all happy about it. I have a problem of getting in my own way.
We did have to stop and talk some. But most of the time was spent beside each other walking. At one point S6 traded his dirt bike for a bicycle. W asked if it was the only bicycle he had because it was in poor shape. I reminded her that I ran over his good bike several months ago and picked up the junker to get him through to the next one. After a few minutes she remembered. It surprises me how much she's forgotten about the last year.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I so get this MM! I have the same problem, glad to see we are recognizing it and taking preventative measures until it's less of a problem...
That memory thing just amazes me...W has to have the kids verify what I say about the past 4-5 years sometimes now to make sure I am not just messin' with her...
Keep going!! You won't need those earbuds soon enough...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
It was kind of funny. W has been lost in iPhone land for over a year, but I'm not that attached to mine, especially not the earbuds. Well, I got my music cranking pretty quickly and W couldn't get my attention. She had to tap me on the shoulder. I thought it was so appropriate for her to see how irritating it can't be to not be heard.
I really do hope the earbud days are gone soon, but I know that's not likely. Going to keep fighting until then!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Can anyone help explain why the mlcer does the relationship checks? It seems so unfair.
This morning, the boys and I were at the breakfast table when S9 asked about the post on fbook that asks you to like/share if you love Jesus, keep scrolling if you love the devil. He asked what I did. I told him I don't get those but he shouldn't feel guilty if he keeps scrolling. He, of course, says he loves Jesus and hits like. Fine. Then he goes on to say he loves Jesus more than anybody, including me, mommy, etc., and asks if I do. I told him that I love Jesus as much as possible, but I'm not sure I'm capable of loving Him more than them. And, that I thought He understood that. Lo and behold, W starts doing exaggerated throat clearing from the bathroom. I laugh and ask if she needs me to do the heimlich. She responds with, hello! I then say, and mommy, I love all three of you as much as my heart can love.
It's so unfair that my feelings and heart have been, and continue to be, stepped on, while W can do status checks as often as she likes. Is it part of their being unsure? Confirming we're where they left us?
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mlcers like to know that we are were they left us pre-crisis. They are like two yr. olds who are learing to walk. They toddle along and when they start to fall, they reach out for mom or dad to make sure they are their to stabilize them and catch them before they fall.
It's typical mlc behavior They don't love you right now but they don't want anyone else to love and/or be w/you either. If you are going to continue down the yellow brick road, you will need to get use to the pulse checks...it happens quite a bit along this path. So, my advice, please stop trying to analyze every word and/or move she makes. Buckle up and be ready for a difficult and bumpy ride. That's why it is very important that you keep the focus on YOU and your children. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to what they do.
Have you been doing your homework? Continue to read the threads and do some research in the mlc archives...there is a lot of valuable info there as well as in the current forum.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mtnman, At first I thought the same thing, that you should have left your earbuds at home, but upon reflection, I freakin' love it! My W has become so insensitive about constantly being on her phone and Kindle that I don't think she realizes how out of control it has gotten. I have brought it up in therapy, so she has heard it, but I don't think she has HEARD it. Even the kids, especially S12, have made comments about it. This would be a great way to give a taste back. But, I don't have your cahones and part of the reason I value our walks is that it is the one time she doesn't have either device and we actually do talk. But, you are the man!
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
