Can I ask. How does a WAW / MLCer go from loving, caring and ML in one month, to having a epiphany one day, to disgust and not wanting to be touched etc?
IMHO, I don't think it happens in just one month. It often can appear to the bewildered H that it all changed over a month's time. A lot of women can keep their true feelings covered up. For instance, when they have an emotional need that isn't being met by the H. In fact, many WAW's will complain that the H didn't help with house chores, when in fact, they have a deep emotional need for something she's not getting. A man helping with housework is not an emotional need. (Which I just pulled that example out of thin air, since it's usually the first thing a newcomer thinks he hasn't done enough of to be a good H.)
Strange as it sounds, I believe some women just won't put it into plain language for the H to understand. Take me for example. I needed words of affirmation and emotional intimacy. I thought it would sound terrible if I told him I needed WOA, and he didn't have a clue what emotional intimacy was. So, as time goes on, the well eventually runs dry. The time to read the 5 LL is before she is done.....not after she gives the bomb.
It takes most women a long time of going without certain needs me. But as I've said before, a woman is like a flower, and if she's neglected (filling her emotional needs), she will dry up and die. That's exactly how I felt, like I had died on the inside. So, when another person comes along with sunshine & water to give her, she's in a very vulnerable state.
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Does it happen as soon as feelings for OM are realised?
Oh no, it happens long before there is an OM. OM would not even affect her feelings if she was receiving what she really & truly wanted from her H. But if she doesn't tell him, and she just goes through the motions of being a happily married woman, then OM can get a chance at her heart.
Other things can obviously cause women to react very suddenly and quickly. Hormone disorder is a huge factor. I went for years with everything scr@wed up. The doctor could not believe my test results! It can cause a person to do bad things. Look at what some women had been known to do during PMS, or after giving birth to a baby!
And just as some men hit MLC, so are more & more women these days. It seems too much stress is on most everyone. I'm not saying it's an excuse, I'm just saying it is happening everywhere.
I think one of the most common issues I have read about here on the board, has been couples who were not spending enough one on one time with each other. Either jobs, schooling, kids, or other issues were keeping them spread so thin that they never had special quality for alone together. It eventually does a bad number on a MR.
I wished I had an answer that would help you. Living in limbo is like being one of the living dead!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
