That's what happened to me when W started a conversation that I wanted to have but was so surprised she started it I just ended up keeping quiet as I was unprepared
Basically W mentioned that she wish she was closer to her friend and how where she lived was nice. At which point I should have said what was on mind which would have basically told her , if things were not the way they were then I would consider moving.
Did I actually do the right thing by keeping quiet or should I have just gone for it?
I am not quite sure if W was suggesting in a round about way that we could move there, but I guessing she meant as a couple divorcing.
Should I try and have this conversation again or wait for her to mention it?
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
From your posting, it sounds like your wife is thinking about where her friend lives. It also sounds like she's thinking out loud about it.
Listen, validate and offer opinions when asked right now. Some mlcers will toss things out to see the reaction of the lbs.
If I were you, I'd leave it alone. If she broaches the subject again, then you can voice your opinion. She may not ever bring it up again, there's no telling what was actually going through her head.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
From your posting, it sounds like your wife is thinking about where her friend lives. It also sounds like she's thinking out loud about it.
Listen, validate and offer opinions when asked right now. Some mlcers will toss things out to see the reaction of the lbs.
If I were you, I'd leave it alone. If she broaches the subject again, then you can voice your opinion. She may not ever bring it up again, there's no telling what was actually going through her head.
I think this is probably correct, she would love to be near her friend. This is after all the same friend which came onto the scene around the time W claims she started feeling differently about me. So I don't know - I would have thought about the move pre BD but there is nothing in it for me now. In the very slim scenario of reconciliation I will certainly consider this as an option for a fresh start.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
if things were not the way they were then I would consider moving.
This seems rather dangerous to me... provocative and challenging perhaps. Also, like you would be "expecting" this comment to cause your W to.... what? Change? Realize? Admit? Remember the "zero expectations" rule
I think staying quiet was probably the best course for you.
And I've been there too lol. Caught unaware and unprepared by the MLCer. Makes you feel like a deer in the headlights doesn't it?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
From your posting, it sounds like your wife is thinking about where her friend lives. It also sounds like she's thinking out loud about it.
Listen, validate and offer opinions when asked right now. Some mlcers will toss things out to see the reaction of the lbs.
If I were you, I'd leave it alone. If she broaches the subject again, then you can voice your opinion. She may not ever bring it up again, there's no telling what was actually going through her head.
^^^This.
Your BD was Feb 13. There is no way in hell W knows for sure what she wants yet. She's not even sure herself. She's still there with you, right? Your job is to be the best 2.4 you can be, (a 2.5 even ) enjoy your life and stay out of her way.
You can't make her stay, but you sure can place more doubts about leaving in her head. Bust On!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Why is it W can have a tone to her voice all the time and its fine. Yet one slip up by me and a little bit of annoyance in voice and BANG, she picks up on it!'
So annoying, I have put up with so much over the past months - how dare I get annoyed at something - argghhhh!!! Times like this I look forward to being single!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
2.4, I hear something in your point that I have thought a lot about. We are here spending tons of time, thought, and emotional stress trying to figure out our moves. MLCers on the other hand can just prance throughout our worlds thoughtlessly throwing grenades, then be unhappy when we do one thing out of place. Not saying that will change, just that it is awfully frustrating when it happens. Kind of like we have to study lines and stick to a script for our role in the movie, no deviation allowed. But MLCer can ad-lib their role and we have to be the one that makes it work.
Hang in there and focus on what you can control.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
It's all part of the looking for reasons to justify their actions, behavior, and lessen their guilt, etc. Anything you do, say, infer, crabby, etc., can and will be used against you in the court of MLC.
In short:
"They just do that..."
There is no fairness here. No equality, no equal time.
It's tough... keep working on and focusing on YOU.
Hang in there! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
) enjoy your life and stay out of her way. 