Another internal panic. WHY would he invite me (and kids) to his place of work? It's so humiliating to see all the guys H works with and I don't know what they know about our sitch! I feel like I'm going to feel like a fool.
I know this is from a few days ago, but just wanted to mention that I think you should look at this as an opportunity. Let's assume that your H has been telling them all kinds of stuff that puts you in a bad light, well this would be a great time to show them a funny, polite, attractive, kind you and make them realize that maybe H's stories are not-quite-accurate. People often complain that they're afraid to go to family events for the same reason- they're afraid their WAS has made them out to be a monster to everyone. But when I think back in my own past about coworkers who have made their spouse out to be mean/ evil/ etc. there's nothing like actually meeting the spouse to slap a big ol' reality check on that. When I meet them and find them to be the opposite of what I've heard, then it makes me think the coworker was the one that didn't have both oars in the water.
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The bad: I feel nothing. I feel like I hardly care anymore. The kind, friendly interactions are non-intimate and it feels useless.
First, it's normal to feel like you hardly care now and then. If it lasts months that's another thing entirely, but I think it's normal for any LBS to just think they're done and over the sitch every now and then. It's probably temporary, give it a few weeks and see if you still feel that way. Second, kind, friendly interactions whether with H, the kids, coworkers, friend, strangers, etc. are NEVER useless.
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I accept that I can't fix him, can't fix our R without some effort from him, and he seems uninterested in positive changes with me.
Sounds like you have expectations, you're expecting that your positive changes should be producing some result in H. Do it for you, not for him. Drop the expectations.
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The effort of carrying all the hope for our entire family is exhausting.
Are you sure it's "hope" that is exhausting you, and not "expectations"? Hope is what motivates us, it's a wonderful feeling to have inside. Expectations on the other hand, they're a constant disappointment when they're not met. Have hope, not expectations.
