Taking a step back-a fresh start

[uRworthy]

C, I'm so sorry.

You are right, unfortunately your wife will not hear you if you say the things you want to say.

This is something she has to see through.

Even though your son is so young, he is watching you. If you are ok, then he will be, too.

It is really important right now to show him strength and
let him know he is safe.

Unfortunately, you cannot do anything about your wife's relationship with him. That is hers to forge.

So, be the person you want to be, C.

Leave her to walk her journey. You continue on yours.

[cbtdad]

Thank you UR!
I keep telling myself over and over that this is her journey to walk. And that I have to be strong right now.
I just don't understand how someone could leave their child for that long.
I must remain positive and move forward. I have to for me and my son!

[cbtdad]

Went to MIL house to pick up some more clothes for son since I will have him all week now.
MIL asked me why I was getting stuff and I just told her W has decided to stay up there and leave son with me. She seemed disappointed, but didn't really say much.
MIL does not know about OM and I don't think it's my business to tell her.
That's up to W if she wants to share that.
I did tell her about the marijuana in the house because I do think she has a right to know about that since its her house. She said I do not allow drugs in my house. I told her I know and that's why I'm letting you know.

Still having urges to go off on W, but holdin strong. I'm angry for sure, but seem to be doing a much better job not reacting to it

[Jeack]

Don't do it. I almost did it to last night. had a mile long angry text wrote but didn't hit send. Why give her the fun of knowing i'm hurting for her to show it the OM and probably get a chuckle out of it.

[MrCAS]

So, you had a tryst with a woman and that was okay (guilt or not) and then you blast your W? What am I missing her?

I am also not buying into the "how can she do this?" line of thinking. Would your thinking be different if she was living there?

I think your anger is coming from somewhere else, brother. I know the scenario well having lived through it and just found my W has a new "friend". Does it bother me? You bet. Am I going to let it become a distraction and derail my progress? Not on your life.

You parked your car where it didn't belong. Your W is free to use the garage however she wants. There is nothing you can do to stop it. This is a hard thing to accept but you are letting it consume you.

You go off on her and you can kiss all your work good bye. Back to square one and four paces back for poor behavior.

Next time someone mention OM, just say "Oh? Him again? My how tongues wag". Laugh and shake your head about it and then walk away. Make sure you are laughing the "Haven't you got better things to do?" laugh. Even if you have to fake it. No one loves to spread crap if it isn't bothering someone. They just want to see the pain on your face. Don't give them the satisfaction.

[cbtdad]

Yes MrCas I want to blast my W for for being away from our 3 year old for 10 days!! I think its selfish and irresponsible as a parent. I undserstand she is with the OM and that is fine. We are practically divorced. Hence why I dont have any guilt for my tryst. I do however have a problem with my W wanting to involve my son with someone who she hardly knows herelf at this point. At least thats what she says. lol
I will not go off on her about it because I do believe she is not in a good frame of mind. As much as it angers me, it hurts me for my son more than anything. Listening to him cry all night and ask for Momma then driving him to school and him asking for her and crying the whole time.
SO yes it makes me angry at her for being so selfish!!!

[cbtdad]

In the end it is her choices. I understand this. I can only control me and that is what I am working on. But I still have a right to be angry about it. As my counselor said, there is nothing wrong with being angry. You cant control what will make you angry. But you can control how you react to that anger. And that is what Im working on

[MrCAS]

CB, I think that you are displacing your anger. You are PO'd about one thing and focusing it on another.

There is nothing wrong with her being gone for a week and a half. That is not selfish or irresponsible as parent. I call BS on that. I am willing to bet dollars to donuts that if you wanted to go play in a Pro-Am and were gone that long it would be okay.

The OM involvement I will agree is inappropriate but there is nothing you can do about it and you don't even know if it is going to happen. Suspect, yes... You can object but the level of anger I am taking from you is a little over the top, IMO.

It sounds to me as if you are using your son as a pawn to punish your wife. I only hope that I am woefully incorrect. Because it sure sounds like that is what you are doing.

[cbtdad]

Not doing that all. I gave W the choice to bring him up there, I was not comfortable the fact that OM would be there and based on what I heard him spending time with them. I guess we will agree to disagree on W being away from 3 year old for 10 days. I personally think that it is not a good thing, especially when I have to pick up the slack while working as well. W does not work, she has plenty of time to do what she wants. And that's exactly what she does.
Is some if this anger about OM. Definitely, but its not why I am so PO'd right now.
I've know about OM for a month now and it hasn't changed the way I look at things. I guess it's the constant lying. Although you are right. All this is her choice in the end and there is nothing I can do about it.
One of my biggest flaws in M was being controlling/manipulative.
This situation is helping me work on that exact thing.
I would never use my son as a Pawn! Ever!
If I wanted to do that, I could just call her right now and tell her to take care of him based on court agreement. But I won't do that

[jp787]

Hey cbt,
How are you feeling today?
What are your plans for tonight??