The unexpected journey continues

[BklynMom]

Your words, your husbands behavior, the stuffing of feelings so deep they act like a ghost, the addiction... it all hit home.

I cant say I am as close to forgiveness as you seem to be but I try each day to move in that direction. Some days are easier then others.

Besides these boards I find tremendous support in Al anon, which you totally quailify for because of your H gambling. The friends I've made at meeting are such a valuable part of my support system because unlike neighbors or other mom from school - the people I meet at woman talk honestly about their lives and no ones life is perfect.

I do believe that my H addiction to alcohol does relate to his crisis, I am not sure how however. Maybe it amplifies it??

"""However, it's hard to let go of the dream. I want nothing more than to have an intact, happy family. I want that desperately for the boys.""""

I can relate to this feeling so much but I remind myself that my kids are blessed and lucky. I pray that one day my STBX will be healthy enough to have a true relationship with them.

In your first post of this thread you talked about how you spent months taking the blame for everything, I did too. I think because we went through that stage we are really able to see our part of this and now clearly see their part in this. It is so much clearer now how sick they are. It about keeping our side of the street clean. Like is said around here so often we do the work, they may or may not ever catch up