It's good that you and your H were able to have a discussion...even though it wasn't all encompassing and even though it didn't leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy about the hopefulnes of the sitch, it was still a good talk.
You said that he's told you some of those same things before...well, okay...now wait and see.
I know it has helped me to set a 'time frame' in my mind as to what I believe is a reasonable period for my H to Do the things he's said he will do. In my sitch, there are two big issues that need resolved in order for me to be content to carry on this R. I have (in MY OWN MIND) given H until Spring to fulfill those "TASKS" (for lack of a better word).
One of the two 'tasks' is relatively simple, but to him...the holding out on it I believe is his 'safety net' his 'foot out the door' just in case...The second thing will be far more difficult for him, because it means he will have to come completely 'clean' with me about everything....and THAT is NOT something my H wants to do for fear it will 'rock the boat'....but without that...I see no point in prolonging the existence of a less than honest relationship.
So my suggestion to you would be to give the things that HE no doubt sees as BIG...some time. Allow a 'reasonable' amount of time for him to settle in, feel safe in his decision to come home and time to reestablish his connection to you.
Remind yourself that Rome wasn't built in a day...and your reconciliation won't be either. BUT also, give yourself permission to set your boundaries and a time line for YOUR NEEDS to be met so that the future with you H isn't all on HIS terms and to meet HIS needs because if you make YOUR needs secondary in the long haul...the only one you'll be left to dislike, will be yourself.
So what's reasonable to you? Two months, six a year? T2
