WAW...finally asked her to leave

[SolutionOriented]

Well. As life would have it, my MC told me to stop playing phone games with my wife. So she 'pinged' me tree nights in a row that its my turn and I didn't respond. I am still hurting about that because even though I was using that 'connection' to 'speak' to her I know that its bad to remain 'in contact' with her. I need to go totally dark. We only talk now when I have an upcoming interview or something going on with our son. She is planning to attend my commencement ceremony and I am picking up her mom and sister-in-law from the train station this Friday. So, I am sure she will come over to visit them that afternoon and may even try to pick them up. THey do not want to stay with her but with me at my place (which wife and I both pay the rent to). Our finances are tied together due to still being married but separated. Wife's best friend is telling her to get a divorce because "she wants here to be happy." Wife's best friend tells me wife is going back and forth on that. Wife stated in late February that I am 'second' behind OM. That hurts and yet I still plan for a reconciliation. It's been 8.5 years and I am still hopeful that we get back together. I have been working out more and still going to church. Son does not go to visit her even though I have told him its okay if he does. He is still upset with her about her moving out and seeing OM. He wants nothing to do with him...period. Yes, I have told son that if were to choose to have a relationship with OM that it would be okay with me. Son does not wish to nor wants to have anything to do with OM. He has tried to get W to go to counseling or a psychiatrist by herself if not with me. I have also told her that but not in awhile. She just doesn't want to go and believes that OM is the ONE. I'm just not ready to give up yet. So, as Michelle states (paraphrased), "it is up to you to know when you've done all you can and are ready to move on." I'm not ready. So, I continue to go dark and not make contact unless she makes contact first. However, I did send her a text to let her know one of my Aunt's passed away last night. Of course, no return text but it could be that she had fallen asleep. We'll see tomorrrow. I feel helpless right now, but have been praying to God continuously, going to church on Sunday's and now Wednesday's (started last week). I am waiting for a job as well. I had an interview last week with a Director of Ops and am awaiting a call back to confirm a job. In the meantime, I have only my state license exam to pass in order to get my real estate license. Woo Hoo. Real Estate has been a dream of mind since the age of 12. So, I am going to puruse that dream. I have also not ruled out going for my Masters Degree as well. I just have to get to that 'happy' place and right now it's hard at times....still. I know God is with me and I do want Him to lead me through this no matter the outcome that He provides....reconciliation or divorce. It's just hard to finally come to terms that my M may be over if that's what God wants. His plans are not our plans and HIs ways are not our ways. Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. The key in that last verse is "His purpose" (i.e., will). I hold extremely tightly to that verse and continually strive to put my faith in him taking each day one at a time knowing that He is with me ...right beside me. Thank you Lord.