My friend MizJ,

Your questions are good ones and certainly ones I have asked myself.

Originally Posted By: mizjjd
Do you feel that if you make contact with XSO that its going to make a difference?

I guess it depends on what you mean by a difference. Do I think that contact will miraculously turn the relationship around? I do not at all. No expectations of that. But do I feel that me taking the first step might make some difference? I guess I do. As I said in answer to B's post I feel because of the distance that sitting back forever especially the way we left things would not mend themselves. One of us has to make the first move.

Do you feel withholding contact is going to be the deal breaker for the two of you? In that, "if only" you had contacted him there would be a reunion.

I am not expecting a reunion. Not even close. I really just do not at this point know how else to convey or pave the way home. If someone does not make at least a baby step then what is the point of all this? I know GAL and all that but that is what got me into trouble in the first place.

Doesn't this put a reunion entirely upon you, upon YOUR actions? What kind of a reunion would that be?

I have not even thought that far ahead to a reunion. Just making a first move to open that door. I agree with Snodderly and Bright that it may be too soon to make that contact but sooner or later me waiting will fall into the category of "not working". I really am not looking for anything huge but a change.

I know that in my sitch, different from yours in some key ways, I am currently dealing with the "physical" estrangement. Ahem blush But I am NOT mentioning this, or making a move on H because "by the powers above", if there is to be ANYTHING changed, its going to be because H makes the effort.

MizJ. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to live in the same space as H while he is in MLC. The difference between our sitches is very different. Your H has refused to leave. Even when he was away, he has kept the line of communication open. Right now my xSO has vanished. Please do not think I have no sympathy for your plight, you know I do. But right now there is no relationship. Not even one sided. I will not let my life stand still for him but I do at the end of the day want to know I have done all I can.

My friend. Thank you for your questions. I do have many many moments when I think I do not want anything to do with him and should just walk away. I have these angry moments. I know our relationship was not perfect. If he never contacted me again I would be fine. But then I remember what I have learned of MLC and the pain he may be experiencing and even if there is never a reconciliation - and I do know the odds are slim to none that there will be - I feel that the right thing to do is see this through. Even as the death knell tolls.