darth vader and i

[BFloat]

yes ad.. i definitely need more support. i haven't heard back from the counselor but, it's the weekend so.. i'll fill you in on how it goes.

H and i spent more time together then we have in a long time. it was his weekend with the kids and they had a bday party to go to. the night before, i asked if he would mind i went too. the party was at build-a-bear and the kids have never been. i knew they would be excited! also, it was my gf's son's bday party.

anyway, it went fine. for the most part, we are very pleasant. H has actually been a little nicer after his disappearance. maybe he feels relieved because i'm not arguing and crying about him leaving? maybe he feels guilty? maybe i'm just mind reading??

when we were driving home from the party, H asked if i was still thinking about moving. i had talked about my gf trying to recruit me to move to a different town. a 4 hour trek out of the city. i joked and said.. "so i can trap my own meat?" and H replied that he wouldn't mind doing that. so i said "what? you would move too?" and he said he would have to. ok.. we're talking.. 2 ferries to get to this town. it is not easily accessible. you couldn't just decide.. i think i'll drive in to the city for the night.. this is somewhere that would have been great for us to have been prior to BD because H would actually have loved doing all the outdoorsy stuff. oh bad timing!

also, when i got home today, my laundry that was in the dryer was all folded the way i like and stacked on my bed. honestly.. i can't remember the last time H folded anything for me. he usually just empties the dryer and piles the clothes on my bed. because heaven forbids.. he would have to touch my underwear!

i know it all means nothing. it's just bizarre. i just need to get these thoughts out because they're just swirling around in my head.

some days i wonder how i could possibly cry anymore. i think.. how could i possibly hurt anymore then i already have? and then of course.. i do.