Take the hits and keep moving forward.

[MrCAS]

Do not let this derail the progress you have made.

Is it hard to get past the sex part? Yeah. It is. I know first hand. It really feels like kick in your nether regions. It can be crushing.

Take the hit. Take a breath. Get angry... alone. Your W does not need to see your anger.

She also does not seem to need punished for what she did. It appears as though she feels pretty bad about it on her own.

However, you can use this as a show of your strength that you have. You can tell your W that it really upsets you but you want to leave it in the past... along with everything else.

Your wife had an epiphany here. The colossal "AHA!" moment! It snapped her back to some sort of reality. You can nurture this. Not by manipulation but with love and understanding.

You and your W have a future. If she wasn't willing to have some sort of closure to her past, she would have kept it to herself. She was open and honest with you. Take this as a very positive step. She trusted you enough to tell you and not lie about it.

Imagine, if you will, that she had lied and kept that to herself. You would have had your fears placated. Then think how you would have felt if you and your W are in the future and you found out she had been less that truthful. Imagine how much more pain and anger you would have then.

I am not saying it was okay. I am not saying I approve. However, I know that we can not look at everything in black and white terms and need to look at things in shades of grey (and NOT that cheesy BS novel not based on reality) and have a different perspective.

My wife had an affair while we were separated the first time and it continued shortly after I came back home. While she was fairly open about it all she denied having sex. Yeah, I knew better. I may be dumb but I am not stupid.

When I found out she lied, I just lost it and we had a huge public blow up. It was ugly. I was ugly. No, I was beyond ugly. Ugly would have been me being nice. I said some ugly and hateful things. I am not sure I will ever be allowed back at that Perkins again...

This is a huge crossroads for you and your W. You know have the opportunity to turn a very negative thing into a very positive thing.

One thing I have learned through my progress is that I need to develop a shorter memory. Not to mention a very selective one. Ignorance is not truly bliss but sometimes it feels like a close second.




On side note... I believe that most men that date married women, whether they be separated or not, are really nothing more than selfish predators and scumbags. They seek women that need to have the woman's feelings validated. They take advantage of the vulnerability of the woman. They feed the woman's needs.

Women have extra-marital sex for different reasons than men. That is why it makes everyone so crazy and react to it so differently. You can not use your personal perspective when dealing with the opposite sex.

Yeah, I have been doing a lot of reading... Part of my 180's. New knowledge... new mind set... new perspective.