Take the hits and keep moving forward.

[T1000]

Went W house to drop kids off. Helped her build some of the furniture she had just got. Asked me if I had eaten and I said no. She said she would make us something after the kids were in bed.
After we had eaten I mentioned that if she wanted to talk about her thoughts of the future I would like to hear more.

She said that it will be hard for me to hear and she feels like a bit stupid. She said she had been dating one guy. He was at her house and she snapped at him for some reason (she said maybe hormonal) and she realised that she used to do the same thing to me. It got her thinking that even though she left for a reason she now admits that it wasn't all my fault. She said she asked him to leave at that point and that was that. She mentioned other things about me having to travel for work and she doesn't see it as block for her anymore.

She asked me what I thought about that. I said that I do believe that whatever issues we have ourselves we would carry to the next relationship if nothing was done about them.
I asked her how far it went with OM, she said what do you mean, I said did you sleep with him. She said yes.
I asked if the kids had met him and she said once while they were out and he happened to be there.
I told her I would need time to process what she had just told me. It was obvious I was upset but I didn't start crying.
She said that she thought I had given up on her. I said to her that I hadn't given up. I thought about us all the time. When you tell me you don't want me in your life, I give you space, I can't bang on your door all day until you take me back. I start again and hope the we will sort things out.
She asked me if I had slept with anyone, I said no, she asked if I had been dating, I said no. She asked if I had tried to and I said no.
I asked how many times they had slept together. She said it doesn't matter. I asked her again and she asked why I need to know. I said for me to work out how I feel I need to know certain things, if a question pops into my head and I feel like I need an answer I will ask the question.
She said more than once, I asked how much more and she said she didn't know (obviously plenty then).
I said I had been hanging on for a long time and always thought that if you slept with someone else I wouldn't be able to get past it. I don't know what to do.
I said I needed to go. I went upstairs to say goodnight to S3. When I was getting my shoes on W came to the door. She said she was sorry she hurt me (she was crying).
I said I'm gonna go.

Had plenty of time to think on the way home. So angry! Haven't really cried about it yet. Just so angry. Still in denial too I think.

We have been separated for 9 months and not been in each others beds/lives for 2 months.


She text me. I didn't want to reply but I did anyway. I wanted to ignore when she asked what I was thinking but I thought that it might help to let it out and communication wasn't one of our strengths. I feel that her response is quite cold. No doubt what I said pi$$ed her off. She seem to latch on to one sentence about us being separated and then justified herself. I didn't reply because I would have just put her down further and probably got nasty.

Text:
19:59 Wife: I'm sorry for hurting you. Let me know you get home ok. X

21:10 T1000: Home

21:08 Wife: Ok
21:50 Wife: You ok?

21:54 T1000: Yes and no

21:52 Wife: What you thinking about?

22:01 T1000: The fact that our family depends on what I do with this.
You and him having sex, the first time you decided to, him in your bed, him at your house, him meeting the kids, I thought you would have dated longer before going that far.
Who knows what and how much.
Can I get past it.
We were separated.
I could look back and its just been me and you for 6 years but now there has been someone else.

22:07 Wife: This is true. I've done nothing wrong. As far as I knew we were heading towards a divorce. I cant remain a nun for the whole time we are separated. I'm done with being so alone. I've also realised that this probably isn't something you can live with if we ever got back together. But you need to know that I've put my foot into one side of moving on to another chapter in my life and it will be with or without you.
End of text.

I suppose as far as DB is concerned it was a good day. Personally it feels like the worst day of my life.