Sandi I'm reading your thread again and will re-read what you posted in here. In your thread I can picture what you H actions while you were fighting the temptation to contact OM.
It could be as small as offering you a popcorn and watch tv, in your feelings that made you cringe and that was a tremendous pursuit. I got to watch myself, I do those things up until recently. Everything you said on the boards they're exact words my w told me.
This is why I try to discourage LBH'S from pursuing a WAW who is in an A. He really has no idea how she really feels about him, or he would not press her. And yes, even asking her to watch tv seems like pursuit to a woman that feels disgusted.
I used that word "disgust" once, and a LBH was kind of shocked and said I was being a bit harsh. Men need to wake up and realize that she doesn't like you, doesn't want to be in the same room as you, and she sure as heck doesn't want you hanging around her like a love-sick puppy. So why would he pursue a woman who feels that way about him? Why on earth does he think it would change her feelings? All it does is to increase her antaganisim.
I suppose men just fall back on what they thought worked when they began a dating R. It worked once, so why not now? But you see, it only worked b/c she was interested. If she had felt disgusted by the thought of you back then.......you would not have had a chance to proceed with pursuing b/c she would have shot you down . Is it b/c the LBH doesn't really get it? They think use a little charm and pursuit and expect the same results as he got in the past? Not this time. Things are different with her now. She is done with him. That means that she will not respond to his pursuit. And you would be surprised to know what simple every day things can be considered as pursuing to a WAW.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
