Hi Crimson, Great to hear! I admire your patience and consistency. Can I ask you to document what helps you make progress in this next stage? It seems to me that you are moving past where DB techniques are obviously applicable. I am curious what works as you attempt to forge a new R that has such a history. I realize this is a selfish request. Maybe it will help you too?
I'll try to offer one bit of advice, but you know I am well behind you, so take it with a grain of salt. You mention working on controlling negative aspects of your past R in your previous post (anger, etc. ). Are you looking for ways you can inject new positive experiences into your interaction? One blog I like to read (Marry, Divorce, Reconcile) is notable in the returning spouse talking about how brave the LBS spouse is to allow her back in. Your roles are reversed, but if you are enjoying things she is doing now she didn't do earlier, are you making sure to celebrate them and really enjoy them?
Good luck! I enjoy seeing your progress!
Dude, I WISH I could tell you how to make progress in this stage. I am truly in green territory here. I keep falling back on DB to a larger extent, inasmuch that I am doing my fair share of listening and not reacting in negative ways. I am also in a state of reminding myself that this is the mark of a lot of progress and where I wanted to be....so don't look past it.
However, in terms of knowing what exactly to do - I am at a loss. We have had some very positive talks about things in our past and she has been listening more and reacting less as well. I don't know....I think all things considered taking THAT path (discussion, honesty, etc.) is the best thing for us right now.
We are locked in a grey space between joint and separate lives. Having the divorce decree guide certain aspects of our lives and making joint decisions on others. That is kinda difficult, as you literally have a foot in both worlds....but I trust that once we reach terra firma we will be doing things 100% on our terms.
She informed her landlord that she will be vacating 5/31. Presumably, she will be coming back here. Naturally, that causes some anxiety with her as we are at the foot of the mountain (but doing well).
The one notable thing is that our S seems to be doing much, much better in this environment - from his overall affect to his acceptance of potty training - he is just...."better".
If there is anything that I need help with it is communicating without fear. It's odd - I know I can make it on my own now, I did it. I just still have the fear of being hurt like that again. Guess that's why it's called "trust".
