Stuck..how do I get out???

[tiredndrained]

Willbwell...we are all in the same boat. It is hard when the H doesn't see the impact on the children. I feel like my kids will be messed up forever because of this and he just has no concept of his actions and how it affects them.

Papa4life...I hope you are right that one day they will know the sacrifices I made and can see it that way. Today my son asked me why I can't get a better job so if my H goes we can just stay where we are. I tried to explain to him that no matter how good teh job I just cant afford things on one salary. He blames me right now for the sitch even though I had nothing to do with it. I often question whether I am doing the right thing by not doing anything with the H as far as leaving.

Mizjjd...thanks always for the vote of confidence. I really appreciate it. I am actually doing better...aside from a bad day last week. H home a lot now and when he goes out he seems to be more forethcoming about what he is doing. I often question whether or not I am Ok with this because he still has never once explained the past few years and his prior actions etc. Maybe sitting and waiting for him to come around is still not the correct thing to do. We had an arguement the other day. He did not do anything to provoke it. I just got upset. Upset about the past year and all the things he has done and for the most part still continues to do. Such as leaving, etc. I asked him why he won't just leave..he never gives an answer. He just stared at me like a deer in the headlights. Its weird how I feel suddenly empowered and I think he gets that I really am detached and don't care anymore. Maybe that is what started the change in him. He sees what he is losing...don't know. Not sure but I can't sit in limboland forever. For a guy who spent a year with an OW telling me how unhappy he was and how angry he was at me and how much he hated me, he certainly makes no effort to leave. If I was that miserable I would be running out the door. Anyway, I am working today. He had to take S to soccer. I can see the disappointment in his face that he had to do that. He hasn't been to one game this year...he asked me if I could find my S a ride. I told him no, you need to take him. I feel bad for my kids. Even if he coming around a little, he still is no father of the year. At this point, I don't think he ever will be. So, I sit in limboland and wait....and wait...and wait...for what I don't know.