Wife is having an emotional affair

[sandi2]

That is great news!

[T1000]

Well done Alan!

[Alan A.]

W seems pretty annoyed when I asked her to come get me from the mechanic yesterday. I just wanted to go home after being stuck in the broken car for 3 1/2 hours. She came and took me home but left again right away. She didn't come back until 5 AM. I really don't think there is any saving M at this point. I don't think she will change her mind, no matter what I do. Also I still don't feel like I would want to try to make things work if she did change her mind.

I feel like it was probably just a one time thing and she'll be back to the same behavior tomorrow.

I was right she has started doing the same things again. I not surprised. We barely say 5 sentences to each other a day.

Also she didn't get that psychology research done so she is probably going to fail that class. There is a paper due in the class we have together. I don't think she is going to do it, so she'll probably fail that class too. I'm not sure how her other classes are going but I wouldn't be surprised if she failed more.

[Alan A.]

Last night I went to bed around midnight. W was not home yet. This morning she is still not home. Just looked at my phone and she sent me a text around 1 saying she was too tired to drive home and she would be sleeping on OM's exGF's couch. OM and his exGF still live in the same apartment (different rooms), so that is also OM's couch. But does she really expect me to believe she slept on the couch? There is no way she actually slept on the couch. She had to have slept in OM's bed.

[Alan A.]

W has been gone all day. she came by for about 5 minutes, just long enough to brush her teeth. she barely said a word to me and had OM with her. Said she was going to school to work on some essays. I've been stuck at home all day because my car is still in the shop. W said she would be able to take me to school with her tomorrow, but I'm starting to doubt she will be back tonight. My new job starts tomorrow W said she would give me a ride until my car is back but I'm not sure what I'll do if she falls through. Every time I sit down to do my homework or study I get distracted and start doing something else. I just need to buckle down and do these last 5 questions because it's due tomorrow morning. Also got a few emails back about the new places to live. I'll probably set up some appointments for later this week, hopefully I'll be able to find the transportation to go look at them.

[Alan A.]

Today I decided to look up some D laws for my state, in case it does go that route. I didn't realize it costs around $600 to file. I told W how much it costs and she said one of her friends suggested an annulment. I told her that annulments have very specific requirements and there is no way we would qualify. She didn't believe me so I had to look it up and show her that we wouldn't qualify for one (turns out they cost just about as much anyway). Whenever W says anything about us getting separated or D it doesn't seem like it bothers her at all, it seems like she thinks it's inevitable and there is absolutely no changing it. I admit I feel like that a lot of the time too, but I think part of me still hopes things will work out.

Tonight she was whining and told me she was mad at herself because she has so much school work to do and she could have/should have done it sooner. My though was "Maybe if you weren't off spending all of your time with OM you would be doing well in school. It's your own fault stop complaining about it." Of course I didn't say that to her. She just updated her FB status to something like "life is just too much right now." It's annoying to me that she put herself into this situation and is now whining to the world about it. Earlier I saw her working on a research paper for a class. She chose a very poor topic and when she first told me about it I tried to tell her that she wouldn't be able to find the sources she needed to make it a research paper but she didn't listen. Anyway in her paper she wrote something like "due to a lot of stress in my life from the legal proceedings of my divorce and lack of available sources I'm unable to complete this paper. If you will let me switch my topic and turn it in a little late I would be willing to try again." There are absolutely no legal proceedings going on right now. I know she has not filed because I would notice $600 going missing. It makes me mad that she's using me as a scapegoat for the problem she created and is trying to get special treatment because she is going though a "difficult time." She shows absolutely no sign that this is hard for her. She needs to just suck it up and deal with the problems she created and stop trying to get sympathy/special treatment. She has told most of her friends that we are getting D. I haven't told anyone anything. I don't think she has told any of her family. I don't want to tell any of my family until I'm absolutely certain that D is going to happen, and I don't feel close enough to any of my friends to talk about it. So I'm just stuck with myself and you guys on here. posting on here does help a lot but sometimes I wish there was someone here to give me a hug. I don't know if I have fully realized yet just how hard it is on me. I've seen other people say it on the forums and now I'm saying it, I really thought I was past the crying but I really feel it trying to come on strong right now. I just keep trying not to think about what's going on but I know I'm going to have to confront these feelings soon, and I know it's going to be very hard.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get some of that out. I just want to thank everyone again for your support I really do appreciate it.

[Alan A.]

W ended up taking me to class today. When I woke her up she said she wasn't going to her morning class but could still take me. I got through both of my morning classes. As I left my last class I was walking through the hall and saw W sitting in one of the chairs on the side. I thought that was weird because she is a dance major and this was one of the engineering buildings, so she had no reason to be here. Then I realized OM is an engineering major too and sure enough he was sitting on the other side of her and they were holding hands. When they saw me they let go. W said hi, then said she was skipping her next class too because she didn't finish the big paper that was due today. I left to get some food before I go to my first shift at new job. I'm headed over there now, hopefully it goes well.

[lovethehub]

Alan, I am so sorry you are going through this and that it is being thrown in your face like this. Sending you mental hugs..hang in there

[AnotherStander]

Alan, sorry you're going through this, but good job in not letting that sitch (where you saw W and OM holding hands) explode. Way to keep your cool. Just give your W time and space and keep focusing on yourself. Good luck at the new job!

[Alan A.]

First day on the job went pretty well. When W picked me up she told me that she told her mom about D, and told her it was because her cold feet never went away. (she conveniently left out the part about the A) She then told me that she talked to she hair stylist about it on saturday. Her stylist told her it sounded like she was in love with the idea of being married and not actually being married. W seems to think that makes sense. Apparently W's mom said that she expected us to break up.