After phone coaching session #2

[azguy]

It was the text offering to share about the girls that I was asking about, sorry to be vague. So you're changing it up, encouraging him to engage more. I like that. In fact, I think that is a great 180 from "dumping" on him, as I remember you saying you did occasionally before. If you don't say anything, that would probably send the wrong message too. But telling him you'd like to share positive things with him, to the extent he wants to hear them, is brilliant. positive, a 180 from before, and still engaging him. Not tat you need my approval, but sounds great!

Regarding the work imbalance, it really took me being alone in my house, alone after a work accomplishment to realize that part of what made my work rewarding was to have a family to share it with. I told myself I worked hard, but didn't realize how corrosive it was to my marriage until it fell apart. I though she was supportive of me working hard. I didn't realize that she just felt like she couldn't speak up for herself until it was quite bad.

But regarding your situation, one thing my DB coach said stuck with me on this topic. She said men often feel worth something in a marriage if they are valued for their career. In that regard, your going to your H's workplace helps bolster that. Maybe you could follow up with some kind words about enjoying seeing where he worked (a little flattery never hurts). You might begin from that point when you talk to him about a better balance. In fact, if you can just praise him anytime he chooses a better balance, that might be more important than any suggestions in this area. (Great you could be here for D. I know how crazy work is right now, etc.) For all you know, he doesn't really enjoy working that much, but desperately wants to please his superiors. That was one of my problems, that it took me a long time to admit to myself. Now might be the wrong time, but it would help to understand why he works so much.