MLC by MIL death/daughter car accident/new job

[Live4myDay]

He says he's not angry. He has a wonderful life now with a job he loves and gets to travel a lot. He misses his kids very much especially his daughter. Found out he was crying on the phone to her...something about religion and God. He acts so mature and that it was best decision he's ever made. He sounds very much like a a previous post from 4033 (?) re: WAS vs. LBS post. He's very content and has moved on. Understands what happened and was totally prepared for his new life. Never looked back said kids will be fine they're adults. Yes adults who figured out he left marriage in crisis and is with OW! They love him but have no respect for what he did. Tries to explain that it took a lot of strength and courage to do what he felt was right. We had grown apart blah blah IDLYAM etc. I get such mixed feeling anymore of depression that he's gone and it will never reconnect to such hopes as him crying and possibly have regrets. But would never ever let me know that. I'm working on that happiness. Not quiet there yet. Still very hard to deal with my daughter regaining her life as a quadrapalegic. I don't get a lot of me time but the bond we have made is unbelievable!!! Something he will never know. Just this past couple of days in my research and reading I feel free from the load do missing him. Almost that I have an "you're ok" I still get anxious when he text or calls my daughter but I try not to focus on that and walk away. Put that big STOP sign up. Almost saying "I don't really care anymore about you".

However I do have so much love for him. Saw recent picture of XH with my son at college art show and I just was full of love and emotion! Like I know every crows foot around his eyes and I love the way his hair feels in my fingers and how it's turned so grey. Things like that I just smile and know that I have always loved him since we first met. And then I see his lips and know that he's been with OW. Brings me down. But I am so much better looking than her (kinda bragging) maybe not as thin or athletic but then again I have some pretty awesome curves!! Lol, I don't want to compare because she is obviously a rebound relationship. He went right from me to her flirting with him and he took the first bait out there! I just want him to miss me like he misses the kids so much. He never inquires and any feelings he did have it gets channeled to my daughter.

I'm still debating on sending that card I mentioned. I keep trying to guess how he'll react. After our divorce I sent him a framed picture of me and kids to his office with a big congratulations on it regarding his new job and how well he's doing. I have no idea if it's in his desk drawer or on the desk with OW picture overtop of mine. Lol...I think too much!

Anyway life is beautiful and amazing in Florida!! I would never be her doing what I'm doing had he not made his decision to move on without me. I am truly blessed to be able to be here for our daughter. The best thing about divorce.

[Live4myDay]

Thank you. Even though I haven't really gotten any feedback, this site has really given me a lot of strength to follow my heart and intuition and the confidence to live my life right now without him. I even am considering changing back to my maiden name. That'll really throw him off! LOL.

But seriously...I'm GAL and even though I'm not sure if he's a WAS or MLC, I am realizing the cycle of our marriage. I also have recognized I'm the one who started the MLC when he finally got the new job. It was the car accident my daughter survived that woke me up!! It really made see what was in front of me. He's the one who not even realizing it by investing his time and efforts into OW whether it be EA or PA made it a DB/DR situation and I wanted my family my husband back.

But he was gone :-( So I still need advice on how to make him fall in love with me again... Patience I know.

[Cadet]

I think all you can do is to keep living your life to the fullest and enjoy each day.

How did you attract him before you got married?

At some point he will be back looking for that person.
But not until he returns from outer space.

Right now let him stay with the aliens that abducted him.

Yes TIME is the basic remedy.
But dont waste it.

[caigy72]

I agree with snodderly, you had the best now let her have the crap that's left

I know all too well what your feeling, as much as you read you still don't quite get what happened to your lovely, caring and kind husband. To detach I've heard you have to fake it till you make it.

You have goals to lose weight, start running etc...focus on those things for you nd he might take notice but if he doesn't then you'll at the véry least will feel better about yourself.

I'm not great at this advice stuff but I hope this helps a bit.

[Live4myDay]

Thank you for the response. I agree I will be a better me whether he notices or not. I was at a different level with all this today and then my S calls tonight and he had dinner with XH and I asked so how's your dad and he says really happy doing very well. Seriously! And that his dad wants him to meet OW. I just came crashing down. I know he'll have to meet her sometime. Just weird. Weird and awkward. And so hurt that this is how it is. And yet so detached and removed from me and our 25 years even to our kids I'm just a anonymous figure.

My D told me he got my email and I text him a picture of our D. He never responded but i didn't expect him to. Told my D he was damned if he did because it would only open door of opportunity for us to have text war (which it has turned into in past with each of us defending and accusing) and if he doesn't respond he thinks I'm bashing him because he can't reply. Either way he's noticing me. But not in a good way and I'm trying to change that. Do 180 and opposite of what I've always done. Maybe just leave it alone. I just wanted to set up some ground work before he visits at end of may.

How do you live through this viewing his life as if it's an episode on a lifetime movie and not get emotionally involved. I mean the process of them returning by being friends and to be easily approachable meanwhile they're living this life with someone else after the destruction thet left behind. Does it really crash on them? How do LBS deal with this?

[caigy72]

He can say, do or act like he's the happiest and most content he's ever been n his life but that doesn't make it so.

He can't be without guilt over what he did to his family. They lie about everything so why not this, IMO they cannot admit that thy threw everything away and life still svcks...how could it still svck when they got rid of the problem...you? In their minds.

[Live4myDay]

I keep reading and reading; one post leads to another and I'm even printing some of them out. It gives me reassurance that it wasn't about ME. I took everything so personal...still do. However, there is nothing that could replace the happiness I feel while I'm here everyday with my daughter making her life better. I feel guilt over my son and leaving but he was off to college and he completely understands. I do feel more confident now.

Last night I had a dream with my XH in it. It was like our dreams were connecting. Like he was having the same dream with me. Have you ever had that??? Well we were lying on the couch together and I was in the nook of his arm and he had on a tshirt that my daughter sent him. I could actually feel everything. The way the cotton tshirt felt, his arm around my shoulder. And we talked knowing we were apart from each other and I told him I don't think I could be with anyone else I just feel so right with him. This is where I belonged. I can't remember what he was saying. Wish I could of remembered. Maybe Lord telling me something?? Weird.

[caigy72]

It's not over till the fat lady sings as they say. However he won't see a change in you until you make the changes for YOU! He'll see right through it and who knows you might make your changes and decide that your better without hîm...it is possible.

[Live4myDay]

Everyone is pushing me into meeting other guys. I don't want a relationship but its nice to be appreciated and someone talk and ask questions about ME. My X things I should date and is happy for me. I think its just his way of washing his hands of his own guilty sitch. Anyways, I'm supposed to meet up with someone tonight after church for coffee. Moving forward with my life but always thinking of him.

Any thoughts from anyone out there in what I should expect from X? I know everyone is different and each sitch is different along with his MLC timeline. But he's in lala land with OW and living the dream. I always know when he's with her becasue he never calls or text my daughter...ever during their time together. Will there be any opportunities for me I should look for or signs of encouragement?

[caigy72]

I dunno what to expect from your H but you might be pleasantly surprised by your coffee date...give it a chance. No need to discuss this with your X either.