Sigh...things are going well. Nothing is filed, nothing is finalized but Florida is pretty much the express lane for divorce. If you have agreed on all the terms and don't need a judge to intervene (we really have nothing we are fighting over), the waiting period after filing is a whopping TWENTY DAYS! My attorney tells me she can get us on the docket in three to four weeks after we file. I'm finishing up my financial paperwork.
What you say about future relationships is true. I don't take anything for granted. Every thoughtful gesture, every hug, every grasp of my hand...I try to be mindful of it all without seeming like some crazy obsessed person. Odd balance.
I got the 'we are just too different' line as well when H left. For example, he's a night owl, I would go to bed early (and just before he left, he would wait until I went to bed so he could continue drinking). They are all excuses for the mess that's going on inside their heads. I cannot imagine what sort of h3ll you would have to be in to think that your BEST choice is to leave your spouse and your family. And we aren't talking about the traditional "three A's for divorce (addiction, abuse, adultery)" as a reason to leave-just that they are messed up in the head. Your H will list every reason under the sun as to why he's still gone and until he gets his sh*t together and figures it all out, he will continue to use those excuses.
The first anniversary of my H's best friend's murder was last week. He went back to his home town and spent the weekend with his BFF's family. And oddly, didn't even pay a visit to his own brother, SIL and nephews that literally live ten minutes down the road from where he was staying. Nice, isn't it? Couldn't be bothered. Ridiculous. Totally not the man I married.
I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm actually ready for the D to just be done and over so I can really move on and close that door. It's not the way I wanted it to be but I just can't trust H anymore and he really is not the same person I married. I love him and I think I always will but I'm certainly not in love with him anymore, which makes me sad. We always said we were soul mates. Turns out he had a thousand things he couldn't say to me and even more things that I think he lied to me about. I do feel some days like our whole marriage was a sham but then I see my beautiful children and know that couldn't possibly be the case. My ego wants my H to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat some day and regret what he's done and my heart wants him to never have to hurt like that because he's clearly hurting enough. The greatest revenge is success and my plan is being executed perfectly.
Kids are doing well-D potty trained herself just after Christmas and is completely done with diapers, even at night time, which is amazing. S is doing well and his behavior at school is finally coming around (naturally since school ends in a month). Things are good and I think we are all in a good place.
I do think of you often even if I don't stop by...
