Today was actually a really nice day. The weather was beautiful here, warm and sunny. We all spent the day outside, doing yard work, playing, and just enjoying the weather and being together.
Yet, I have a bit of a heavy heart. I think it's so much easier to shut him out and distance myself when he's the alien or moody/grumpy guy. But when I get a glimpse of how good things could be, my heart breaks a little more.
I was digging up some flowers in the front yard with S4, and H and S2 were in the garage. I heard H say to him, "Come here buddy and give me a kiss. I love you, you little bugger!"
My heart melted right then and there.
I am beyond thankful that he shows the boys he loves and cares about them, I know there are so many others who have horrible situations in this area.
And maybe I am a terrible, selfish person to say this, but there is a part of me that thinks - what about ME? When am I going to be loved by H?
What if the answer is never? Really trying to digest that as a possibility. I know, anything is possible.
Truly, today was a happy day for me. No matter what, I can remember a beautiful Saturday that I spent with my family.
And there is nothing that makes me happier
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
