A New Me 2

[JBolt]

I do wish u could see that OM friendship as anything more than an object, a tool, a support to me. Only a small part of the four legged table. I am missing three legs already, if I "give up" his friendship it would b giving up that only for you and my table would fall. I dont have anything else to stand with yet as that is what I am trying to rebuild, redo, retrust, remove fears, etc.

This is such an important insight in my opinion. She is using the OM likely just like she was using you originally. She has to fall though. Adults shouldn't depend on other adults like this (hint, hint).

It took me a long time to see this in my sitch. It actually took me making the decision to file to see W as the wounded and lost soul that she currently is and possibly always was. While we were still in the 'trial separation', I would slip into this "W is just mad at me and I have to fix it" mode. She is mad at me. Furious in fact, but it's not really about me as such.

I can see now that my W's relationship with OM was a crutch, but then so was ours. It seems to me that I was such a good crutch that she let me keep her from learning to walk and she resents and hates me for it now. Although I wasn't aware of it, I probably had some resentment for being used that way as well. It doesn't change anything, but I can see it now. Hope some of this helps JP.

J.